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myownoasis
117 M Embraced 1
PathStep 8 Compassion hearts10 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2022 Member sinceOctober 21, 2022
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Trust Issues
Anxiety Support / by myownoasis
Last post
 November 29th, 2022
...See more Hello everyone. I discovered this app while looking for ways to better understand my issues and possibly get some help. I have had anxiety issues for the past month that I thought were behind me. Here is my story. During my junior year of high school, I started dating this girl who I really liked. She had a lot of rooted issues, but I was just happy to be in relationship with her. She made me happy. Even though we had stark cultural differences, she still decided to stay in out relationship, despite her family’s objections. This continued into college, and by this time, I was deeply in love. She lied to me about a few personal things that happened to her, but we were able to overcome it. It seemed as if she felt this way too, and we got engaged after I asked her family’s permission. A couple of months into our sophomore year, I discovered she was on ***, talking exclusively to women. I was extremely hurt by this, and I asked why she would hide something like this from me. I asked her if I ever made her uncomfortable to talk about her sexuality with me, but she denied everything. She said a friend asked her for her FB( that she didn’t use) so she could use it for something. It hurt me so bad that I became in denial. It was obvious she cheated on me, but I refused to believe it for a long time. I started to develop trust issues, and it affected our relationship until the end. That summer she went abroad and was supposed to move in with me when she came back, but instead got married to a 2nd cousin. After that I fell into a deep depression for a couple of months. I almost dropped out of college, but somehow I pushed through and managed to get back, graduating this past spring. I was a different person for a long time after my breakup, but I’ve been back to normal for quite some time now. I’m even on good terms with my ex, as she contacted me a year after the incident and explained everything, giving me closure. For over two years I’ve been dating another woman, and we are currently in a long distance relationship. We are doing great, but an issue popped up in the last month that seems to have triggered my past issues. Now, I am having anxiety over the possibility that she could be cheating on me of some sort. I don’t want this to ruin our relationship. I get scared sometimes and my body goes into defense mode. I get chills and a funny feeling in my stomach. When I’ve talked to her about it, she feels like she’s doing something wrong and gets upset. She shares her location with me because she lives in a big city and it makes her feel safe. I almost don’t want her to share it with me because I check it when I get scared. I don’t want to feel like this, she’s done nothing to make me question her loyalty, but my past issues have come back and don’t want to go away. If anyone can help me, I’d sincerely appreciate it.
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