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navyCucumber5534
287 M Embraced 2
PathStep 8 Compassion hearts11 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2017 Member sinceJune 14, 2017
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My life?
Disability Support / by navyCucumber5534
Last post
 June 26th, 2017
...See more 42 I have Fibromyalgia and IBS. I have a husband 2 kids and a granddaughter. I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. But if I want to actually get help I need money. I don't know where to start, so how about the beginning. I had my son at 19. Met my husband at 22. In the last 20 yrs I have gone from a single mother with no debt to having thousands in debt. At first I brought in more money and paid for everything even debts from before we were married. I went through hell with my oldest when he was a teen from him robbing us blind to court dates and him in jail. I did all this while working and raising my youngest and trying not to let him see to much. Then I lost my mom from cancer, 5 yrs later my dad also from cancer. While my father was dying my son was just getting out of jail. He came back to live at home, thought he was turning his life around but he got very bad into alcohol after finally getting off drugs. He tried to kill himself. Then he got a girl pregnant and turned his life around. He broke up with that girl but has 50/50 custody and is an amazing father. But he doesn't pay us rent there is always an excuse, we buy everything for our granddaughter. He pays for most stuff for her, but tends to spend his money going out places with her or drinking with his girlfriend. We drive him back and forth to work. And I babysit while he works. All I get for that is "it's my daughter" if we want him to be here on a weekend with her so we can do stuff with her. She has become a major part of our lives and lately he is slowly taking her away. Because I got upset about spending time with her. My youngest as been more and more not himself because he didn't want to move. So I have two kids mad at me and a husband who though I know without a doubt loves me works 12hr days and does nothing else except watch tv and drink beer. I cook, clean take care of everyone and get told I'm wrong if I say how I'm feeling. I'm told it's just not true so I keep everything to myself. But it's getting harder. I feel like I'm drowning and have no one who wants to help me. I can't say my feeling cause then I feel worse and everyone else gets mad. So day after day I force myself out of bed barely get through the day and look forward to when I can shut my eyes again. And most days now I wish I wouldn't wake up. I weigh barely 100lbs no one notices if I don't eat. They just notice if I couldn't make dinner that day. They don't pick up after themselves. I do it all. After I had my youngest son I got an ecoli infection and almost died. I sometimes wish I had. I just feel like I have no one. I'm writing this hoping getting it out takes it out of my head for a little while. There is so much more in there and so much more that has happened and is going on but I've rambled enough. Thanks for listening.
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