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niceDrum3076
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts14 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2021 Member sinceNovember 29, 2021
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My boyfriend cheated and I’m feeling lost
Relationship Stress / by niceDrum3076
Last post
 December 12th, 2021
...See more Hi all, so i found out that my boyfriend cheated. They start talking about 2-3 weeks ago and met up abt 3-4 times. He claimed that they didn’t do anything except watch videos and eat. Okay, maybe there were friendly goodbye hugs and dry humping involved but he said no to anything more. I asked him about the cheating and he said that he felt that his life was mundane (because he’s in army so he stays in Monday to Friday, we usually meet up every Saturday at his place), it was like a routine. There isn’t that spark anymore. He did say that he still has feelings except that it’s faded. Doesn’t seem like he wants to pursue something serious with the girl as well, it’s just a feeling of infatuation. When we were talking about it, I realised that we never really sat down to have deep conversations during our 1.5 years of dating. We do talk about serious stuff like having a family, the future, housing and all but always on the surface level. Just bringing it up but nothing too deep. Some back story is that he did tell me earlier in the relationship that he isn’t ready to commit to a serious one. So we have been dating for around 1.5 years and he hasn’t asked me to be his girlfriend. We do talk about it sometimes and he always says “soon”, so of course I gave him the space and let him ask whenever he is ready. I didn’t want the relationship to be a forced one anyways. Now the funny thing is that we could still interact normally after I found out about the cheating. He still treats me like how he normally does. The past few weeks has been normal as well, didn’t really feel any difference in our interactions. He proposed that we take a break and remain as friends while he takes the time to reflect and sort out his mind, to see if he is ready to commit. We are currently still texting and to be honest, I don’t know what I’m feeling. Of course I still have feelings for him and would want to try and make this work (only if he wants to) but I’m feeling very lost. I don’t know what is it that I really want. Is he really the one for me? Was his cheating a genuine mistake? Is it because the timing we met isn’t right? So it means that when his life is settled and not so much like a routine, things will get better? So why I brought these 2 questions up is because he told me that maybe if we met next year instead, things would have been different. Because by then, he wouldn’t have to stay in camp on Monday to Fridays, he would also have a car to commute. Another realisation that I found was that we lacked open communication during our relationship. Like I mentioned, we never had deep conversations. So I guess I never knew how he truly felt. This could have been an underlying issue that cause this cheating incident (though it is still not and excuse for him to do it). He shared that if he told me he needed some alone time around the time he met the girl, things would have been different. So I guess this lack of communication has been a problem in our relationship. Right now, I do want to try and make this work (of course he has to be willing too), but I know that there will be many things we have to work on which requires patience and emotional endurance in order for things to go back to the way it was (but BETTER and improved). And, if let’s say he decided that he is not ready to commit and can’t give his all, should we still be friends? I’m afraid that I’m going to agree to be his friend because I hope that we can still date in the future. But, that could also be our fate, to remain as friends and start from ground up… There’s just a lot in my mind and I’m feeling overwhelmed and lost. Thank you if you’ve read til this point. Let me know what do you guys think about this, what would you do if you were in my situation?
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