nosrac98 Member Profile

...See more Hi all, First time poster here! I've suffered from anxiety, depression, ADHD, and, most recently, bipolar disorder for the majority of my life. For a few years, I got a lot better. I was able to cope with my issues and handle them in productive ways and I finally thought I was getting better. I'm currently in my second year of college and it's all coming back now. I've always been an honors student and an overachiever, so of course my family and friends expect a lot from me. Since starting college, I've been constantly overwhelmed by every little thing. I feel like I am constantly disappointing everyone around me, including myself. Most days I can't make it out of bed to even get to class, and I spend hours just staring into space instead of doing my homework. Most of that comes from my depression, but then there's the anxiety cherry on top constantly yelling at me about the things I should be doing and the worst case scenarios that'll happen if I don't do them. I'm finally on new medication that seems to be helping me, but now it's the final weeks of the semester and I'm struggling to pass my classes. The majority of the semester has been spent dealing with being off of my medication (I was off my meds from november last year to march this year) or adjusting to the new meds, causing me to miss class and fail assignments. I'm registered with my school's disability services which helps a lot, but so many of my teachers this semester have neglected to make accomadations for me or help me when I reach out. I haven't slept more than 12 hours since Sunday because I've been so overwhelmed with schoolwork, the club I run, friendships, my relationship, and everything else that's on my plate. It doesn't help that every single day my mother texts me to talk about dropping out and what will happen if I fail this semester and lose my scholarships. I'm meeting with my disability counselor today to try and figure out what to do about the remainder of the semester, and how to fix what my mental illness ruined, but I'm so terrified that it's too late and I'll disappoint everyone yet again. I'm currently procrastinating on a 10 page paper that was due yesterday that I haven't even started. I cried all morning because my mind was nagging at me that I needed to work, but then I felt so overwhelmed and lost that I couldn't even start. I've described it all as feeling like I'm swimming in the ocean and being hit by waves over and over again that drag me further out and drown me even though I'm swimming away from them. It's gotten so bad that I can't shut my mind off and I'm either so overwhelmed I can't breathe, or completely numb and unable to function at all.

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