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npos25
206 M Embraced 2
PathStep 13 Compassion hearts11 Forum posts9 Forum upvotes23 Current upvotes23 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2020 Member sinceJuly 19, 2020
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Contemplating with myself whether I can call this sexual assault.
Trauma Support / by npos25
Last post
 July 26th, 2020
...See more I feel like I'm going crazy about this because I continuously keep re-living these experiences. I don't know if I can say that I've been sexually assaulted. There was a time when I was 9 at church and I can't clearly remember all the details of it but I can still feel it. An older man had taken advantage of me because I peed myself and rushed to the bathroom by myself. He touched me and forced me down and told me to be quiet and if I told anyone I would get in trouble. My family no longer attends that church and nobody knew that had happened to me. Maybe because I was so little, my memory of it has come and gone in reoccurring nightmares that seem to be extremely real. I don't feel like this experience can be considered validated if I can't remember all the details. I was with my ex-boyfriend from middle school to junior year of highschool. He pushed me to do sexual things and I felt pressured to do them because I didn't want to disappoint him. Eventually it got to the point where we went too far and he was begging me to have sex with him. I said no at first but when he kept pleading I gave in. It hurt a lot and I bled. He ended up cheating on me and he made me feel as I was in the wrong in every argument. I could go into so much more detail but I don't feel like I can call this assault either because I said yes. I told him that I was okay and that I gave him consent. he made things worse when I broke up with him. It was so long ago but I keep reliving it. It won't go away.
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