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nwaveo
1 5,499 M Moving Along
PathStep 6 Compassion hearts114 Forum posts287 Forum upvotes193 Current upvotes193 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2026 Member sinceFebruary 28, 2020
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I'm so tired.
Depression Support / by nwaveo
Last post
 October 19th, 2025
...See more i'm so tired of life recently. i was here 5 years ago then some stuff got better and now i'm back because it's just never consistent. i don't enjoy life, even when i've done some of the things i wanted to do, i get to a point where it's 2AM on a tuesday and i just don't enjoy being here. my family life is a mess. my best friend decided to end our friendship. my parents are depressed, my sisters are depressed, nothing is going very well. i don't feel like i'm where i want to be. i have no career at 29. i work a *** part time job, i'm so sure someone else could have done better with the life i have. i would exchange it with someone who doesn't have much time left if it meant they could enjoy it the way i can't.
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am i paranoid for thinking my (27F) sister (36F) is trying to copy everything i do?
Anxiety Support / by nwaveo
Last post
 November 26th, 2023
...See more i don't want to appear like this is some childish disagreements or anything else of that sort, we've been having a on-going issue with my sister behavior for years to the point where lawyers and police were involved.  she's been making our lives *** for a while and my parents health has deteriorated because of it, but she always has periods of time where she's "nice". it never last, she usually only fakes it until she can't bear it anymore. she's been diagnosed with bipolarity but decided one day to stop taking meds, that doctors were wrong. there is one issue among the dozens she has with us, and one of them is me. she quite literally said word for word she was jealous of me, i was born after and took the spotlight away from her, we are four sisters and i'm not treated better than the others but for some reason it's always me and not the others. to get to the point, when she has her nice periods, she oftens buys alot of things to herself.  one day last year, i mentioned i wanted to learn surf. this summer she said she wanted to get surf lessons and plan to get a surf board. i got a kayak with christmas money and saving last christmas. 2 weeks ago, she ordered a kayak for herself. she never even talked about kayaking before.  3 years ago, bought a bike to get around town more easily. only a few months after, she bought a bike to herself, but not any bike, the EXAT same bike, exact same brand, a VTT, same price same everything, except the color. she only used it twice in those two years.  i don't tell her any of my life, so one day she found out i had an internship starting in the incoming days. the DAY after i started my internship she told the whole family she had internships coming for her new training course. that was almost a year ago, she never had those internships. i went star gazzing one day to spot shooting stars. she never cared about stars, it was something i talked about, she bought a telescope after that and bought books about stars.  i can go ON and ON. i talked about buying a sea suit to go scubadiving, she bought a sea suit before i could, i'm not sure for what exactly because she doesn't do ANY sea sports. i got into resin lamps and made one once. she bought a pre-made resin lamps and started talking about making one.  am i freaking crazy? everytime i get something or say something she ends up buying it or saying she's gonna do it too.  the kayak she JUST bought? she's AFRAID of the sea and drowning, when i took her on mine she literally almost had a panick attack.  is this all in my head? it's getting more obvious than before to me, even my family comments on it, how it's weird, sometimes i'm not surprised by the thought that she'll one day stab me in my sleep like we see sometimes in the news. you should see the dark look in her eyes when she looks at me and starts screaming.
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am i paranoid to think my (27F) sister (36F) is trying to copy everything i do?
Relationship Stress / by nwaveo
Last post
 November 25th, 2023
...See more i don't want to appear like this is some childish disagreements or anything else of that sort, we've been having a on-going issue with my sister behavior for years to the point where lawyers and police were involved.  she's been making our lives *** for a while and my parents health has deteriorated because of it, but she always has periods of time where she's "nice". it never last, she usually only fakes it until she can't bear it anymore. she's been diagnosed with bipolarity but decided one day to stop taking meds, that doctors were wrong. there is one issue among the dozens she has with us, and one of them is me. she quite literally said word for word she was jealous of me, i was born after and took the spotlight away from her, we are four sisters and i'm not treated better than the others but for some reason it's always me and not the others. to get to the point, when she has her nice periods, she oftens buys alot of things to herself.  one day last year, i mentioned i wanted to learn surf. this summer she said she wanted to get surf lessons and plan to get a surf board. i got a kayak with christmas money and saving last christmas. 2 weeks ago, she ordered a kayak for herself. she never even talked about kayaking before.  3 years ago, bought a bike to get around town more easily. only a few months after, she bought a bike to herself, but not any bike, the EXAT same bike, exact same brand, a VTT, same price same everything, except the color. she only used it twice in those two years.  i don't tell her any of my life, so one day she found out i had an internship starting in the incoming days. the DAY after i started my internship she told the whole family she had internships coming for her new training course. that was almost a year ago, she never had those internships. i went star gazzing one day to spot shooting stars. she never cared about stars, it was something i talked about, she bought a telescope after that and bought books about stars.  i can go ON and ON. i talked about buying a sea suit to go scubadiving, she bought a sea suit before i could, i'm not sure for what exactly because she doesn't do ANY sea sports. i got into resin lamps and made one once. she bought a pre-made resin lamps and started talking about making one.  am i freaking crazy? everytime i get something or say something she ends up buying it or saying she's gonna do it too.  the kayak she JUST bought? she's AFRAID of the sea and drowning, when i took her on mine she literally almost had a panick attack.  is this all in my head? it's getting more obvious than before to me, even my family comments on it, how it's weird, sometimes i'm not surprised by the thought that she'll one day stab me in my sleep like we see sometimes in the news. you should see the dark look in her eyes when she looks at me and starts screaming.
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Back here again. for similar reasons.
Anxiety Support / by nwaveo
Last post
 September 4th, 2022
...See more i don't feel ready but i know i might never be. i've been thinking if applying to the navy for maybe years. but i've never been sure of it. am i doing it for me? or because my dad used to be in it and i want to make him proud AND make something of my life. first time i applied my application was simply rejected for not being coherent enough. it really wasn't. so that's fine. i don't think i even realized what i was doing. i haven't been in a great place for a bit, trying to figure life out and what i wanna do, family deaths haven't helped. but everyone struggles. i just have had a hard time wih adulting. i recently applied again because the navy offers this 4 years local contract where you can stay near your home. it's mechanics. i applied. and now i have a meeting soon. but i don't feel ready. i know nothing about mechanics and while the navy says they train you, i really don't have any knowledge in that. i told myself it would allow me to build myself, make myself better, more mature and stronger. that it's just "4 years" and you get to stay nearby. but i've been in a really bad state of mind for a while that anything freaks me out when it comes to adulting or situations like that. there are so much things i'm currently working on to try to figure life out. i passed my theoric driving test, now i need to get actual driving lessons to get my license. that might make me more mature. i'm taking florist courses, that was always my plan B in case i can never find anything. it's short, manual, not a desk job, flowers are pretty. i don't think i'd hate it. i wanted to apply to psychology courses in college too but until last year i havennt been accepted. that's fine. tho i've been accepted in english literature so i'm still debating on finish that degree i started younger. i don't know. i have to get 3 months interships for the florist courses. i just dont feel like the navy is RIGHT at this very moment but i don't know if it's the fear talking or if it's my right guts. i feel like i should be more mature before i try to join. but they only recruit until 30 and i have 4 years left. i know i'm late to adult. i feel late. i want to go to the meeting and then if they make me go to the sporting tests, call them back and say i don't want to go through it yet but that'll i'll possibly try again later. i want to tell my dad and my mom they just didnt accept me. that's less worse in my head than saying i didnt try. or that i was a chicken, in my eyes. i don't even know why i worry, i might not even get accepted. i have diabetes. type 2 but diabetes regardless. i don't have meds anymore though. i don't know if i'll feel relief or regret if they don't accept me over that. i'm not even a huge sportive person. and i wear glasses. so maybe i should just go and tell myself i wont be accepted anyway. i most likely won't. i regret lowkey applying, but if i'm not anxious i can tell you why it could be good. but i can also tell you why i don't want to. i don't know.
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feeling like you’ll never fit any job ever.
Anxiety Support / by nwaveo
Last post
 February 12th, 2021
...See more trying to figure out what job to do. i considered in the funeral field. but whenever i picture myself somewhere, i internally freak out. like i can’t SEE myself fitting any jobs ever. i’ll fuck up, i won’t be good at it, i’m not a public speaking person, therefore i will fail and make a fool of myself, i’ll get fired, i’ll be ashamed, my parents will be ashamed. all these things running in my head whenever i freak out while picturing myself in a job. i HATE it. because it feels so real.
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