oatmilkangel Member Profile

...See more I (22) have been living with my parents and brothers (19, 14 and 10) throughout lockdown but Im leaving in 3 weeks, thankfully. I have always had a strained relationship with my 19 year old brother, but for most of my childhood and early adult life I could silently handle it. When we were children he was quite violent, he would often hit or scratch me if I was too annoying. He is neurodivergent and so am I (I dont want to give away too many details by specifying, sorry). I feel like I made peace with that, as to some extent I understood his feelings and frustrations, but now I feel like its happening again with my middle brother. Hes not been diagnosed but it seems he has anger issues of some kind. He will often pick arguments with me and Im not very good at letting it go quick enough. He will call me a bitch and a c*nt just when we are bickering. Most of the time I dont fully rise to it (Ill bicker with him but 80% of the time will stop short of a fight), but he is very loud about how he hates me living with us and after a few months its really gotten to me, especially as I do most the daily chores so me being here has actually meant Im cleaning up after him most days. On a few occasions he has threatened to hit me. Now, I dont want to make myself look like a victim - I can be annoying in that perfectionist older sister way and I can correct people a lot (often without meaning to, I just want to share what I think about something - I dont want to tell people theyre wrong). I should let stuff go, its something I thought I had fixed but lockdown has made me more easily frustrated again. Two days ago we had a really bad argument because I got tired of him loudly proclaiming from his room how much he hated me and I went into his room to tell him to shut up and didnt immediately leave when he told me to get out. He often calls me pathetic and I said it was pathetic of him to be so offended that I was here. I ended up shouldering his door pretty hard as he was closing it because I wanted him to keep it open because I wanted to tell him how tired of this I was, and I made a small crack in the door. I feel truly awful. I feel like I bring out the aggressive side of my brothers and I need to chill out. But at the same time I feel like I went through my childhood accepting that being hurt was a reasonable consequence to being annoying and picky, and I hate that its happening again. I know he is honestly too young for me to engage with him like this, which is why I feel so guilty. But I have genuinely found it really hard to cope with it. My mum understands both of our sides, which is helpful because I dont want to be let off the hook but also I want to feel like its not all my fault. Because sometimes I feel like it is. If other people were talking about how angry they get at a 14 year old, I would judge them. But also I just want to feel like my brothers care about me. I guess I just need to vent but also if anyone has any advice or opinions on this I really welcome them. I am really struggling to process what happened and my position in it all. (ps. he has valid reasons for struggling with his temper, I dont want to make it seem like its out of nowhere. Our family situation hasnt always been easy)

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