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okia0720
5,058 M Seeking Light 8
PathStep 61 Compassion hearts89 Forum posts7 Forum upvotes8 Current upvotes8 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2022 Member sinceSeptember 7, 2015
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Hold Your Feelings Like a Baby
Family & Caregivers / by okia0720
Last post
 April 1st, 2021
...See more I forgot who said this in a video but this means that whatever we feel. Embrace it. When a baby gets anxious, angry or cry. What do we do? Drop the baby? Lol. Kidding aside, we take care of the baby. This is a perfect imagery. This to, is how we should treat ourselves. This helps me when I forget what to do in a intense emotion. Especially around my narcissistic mom. Be kind to yourselves. Spread compassion. :)
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Toxic Mother
Family & Caregivers / by okia0720
Last post
 March 11th, 2021
...See more I am 23 years old and I messed up in my first job. After that there was pandemic so I was unemployed. Now I am on a job hunt and while I am on a job hunt I try to be a responsible daughter because I still depend on my mom. I am the housekeeper at mom's home. It was not easy because my mom is a micro manager. Since she helps me with my expenses all I could offer was my service. I never ask money from her not unless I need to. She is a business woman and depends her resources on my step dad. So all in all the person really supporting us is my step dad. He is a really good step dad by the way. Despite being a respectful daughter and a good house keeper my mom would spread gossip about me that I am lazy, irresponsible, disrespectful, selfish and boastful. Which was never true. I never asked for a day off. Only if I have important errands. I never asked for a salary. I never go out to see my friends because I chose to work at home to be less of a burden. Recently we had a huge fight because when she was on a night shift on her business I tried to finish all the chores just in one day with little sleep (since she is a micro manager) so that when she comes back I have little work to do. Then, I can have time to send resume for my job hunt. When she came back, she gave me so many tasks and few days of late night sleep that I had no time to find a job anymore. I was really pissed off by that time but still managed to be in composure. Then the next day I had a fever. Over fatigued by the tasks she gave me my body could not handle and she had a guts to invite many visitors at the evening knowing I was so tired. I need a rest to for god's sake. At that time I told my mother I can't help her because I was sick. She said ok. Then at midnight her visitor went to the kitchen and I overheard her. My room is beside the kitchen. She was saying that I am lazy, that the plates used were not presentable and cheap, that we were judging them of their status because their poor (which is not true, she is very rich). And that we don't allow them in the living room. She does not like the dinner setup in the garden. I even put up some fairy lights and a colorful spotlight to make it look cute. I told mom about it the next morning because I was concerned if she had a conflict with visitors. I was thankful there was none because she often starts a conflict. She has a bad temper. I confronted her that next time she should not bring guest too often because I have a lot of things to do. And I told her I need the time to get a job so she should lessen the tasks she is giving to me. After that she was yelling at me and she said she did not oblige me of housekeeping (Which is the opposite. Really mom?) That I should move out as well. That I think of myself as the best. I am not complaining about work but not to reach a point where I will get sick. She also said that I am disrespectful for talking back which is I am just standing up for myself. I can't see anything wrong with that. When it comes to my health that's really out of line. Now I am a bad daughter? I said "I was never disrespectful but I don't like it if someone disrespects me. And this, is very disrespectful. I try so hard to be a goddamn responsible person. So no. Don't tell me that." And the worst part is the people look at me like I am a bad person. Our neighbors and mom's circle of friends believe the gossip she is spreading about me that it hurts so bad. I felt like I broke up with my mother. A betrayal. And that she make it look like she is the victim. Its just good to rant on this thread. I am not perfect, I made so many mistakes and like all of you all I want is to love and be loved, and to be a better person.
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