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olive4918
1,088 M Little Steps 2
PathStep 49 Compassion hearts55 Forum posts15 Forum upvotes15 Current upvotes15 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2024 Member sinceOctober 24, 2021
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I think I ruin everything
Bipolar, Schizophrenia & Psychosis Support / by olive4918
Last post
 September 19th, 2022
...See more I over think so much and then I act out on my thinking. My partner can do one tiny thing and I feel like it’s the end of the world. I just got cut off of w33d and I feel like absolute shit. I can’t handle myself already and then you get rid of my substance and it’s even harder to deal with myself. I just wish I could get my emotions under control. But then again I wish my partner just wouldn’t do things that he knows upsets me and then I wouldn’t even have to over think. I don’t know but I just wish I could be calmer and nicer but I can’t be, especially when it’s repetitive and the same stuff happens over and over again. i am open to advice if there even is any to give. id also love to hear how you guys relate to this (if you do). Thank you for reading and I hope you’re doing alright
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TW: Eating Disorder Rant
Eating Disorder Support / by olive4918
Last post
 December 4th, 2021
...See more This post really does get into some triggering thoughts of mine and some triggering situations and habits. Please don’t read this if you are searching for help. This was a rant, it really will not help you if you are looking for support. If you do read this, thank you for listening to me and I wish you the best. I have always struggled with body image and insecurities. But sometimes I will be completely okay and be able to eat normally, and then it plummets and I will not be able eat for weeks. I haven’t eaten correctly in almost a week and a half. I have gone three days without eating anything at all, but the other days I have very small snacks so that I do not get headaches or pass out. I feel like my family is encouraging it. I finally talked myself in to going to the kitchen and getting a bagel, a bagel would be the biggest thing I have eaten recently. I was proud of myself, but when I went in the kitchen my dad saw me and he said “Maybe you should’ve eaten dinner.” I just put the bagel back and quietly went to my room. I heard my mom lecture him and say “Do you want her to go hungry?” and he said “Maybe she should go hungry if she can’t eat dinner with us.” This hurt me because now the phrase “Maybe she should go hungry.” continues to repeat in my head. I am really hungry, but at the same time I am not hungry at all. And I realized I am fine without food. I feel like the taste isn’t worth the calories and the fat. I am truly not over weight, but I would like to have a flat stomach and less fat arms. Then I would be happy with myself. I have tried working out, but I never have had the motivation for it, and I can’t go to a real gym so I have always been stuck at home doing home workouts. Anyways, I just want to be happy with myself. Thanks for reading this, and whatever you are going through I hope it gets better soon.
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Journal. (TW)
Trauma Support / by olive4918
Last post
 November 9th, 2021
...See more I know I am not dirty. I know I don’t have to shower every day to get it off. I know he’s never gonna touch me again. I know my boyfriend wont ever do anything bad to me. I know I can ask to stop and he will stop. I know he loves me. I know everything is okay. But why am I so scared of sex? I just don’t get it. It’s been a long time since anything bad happened to me and I am comfy with my boyfriend. However, there are just days where I want to have sex and then halfway through I don’t want to do it anymore. I try to tell my boyfriend but I can’t, or I do, and then I cry and I feel embarrassed. I just want to be normal and not have these issues with sex. I just am so scared and sometimes I will start thinking about what happened to me and I just can’t proceed with a sexual action. I don’t know but I will get better. I need to get better.
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Beginning My Path
Self-Harm Recovery / by olive4918
Last post
 October 25th, 2021
...See more To be honest the last time I cut myself was probably 30 minutes ago. Something small set me off and I just wanted to talk to someone but I couldn’t. I want to talk to my boyfriend, or maybe my best friend, but I don’t want to be a burden. I don’t want to run to my boyfriend whenever something small happens that makes me want to cut myself. That’s why I downloaded this app. I just want to be able to talk to other people and rant when I need to. If anyone else needs that, you can talk to me.
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