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orangeLychee8842
678 M Embraced 5
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts15 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2023 Member sinceSeptember 4, 2017
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Confused don't know what to do
Relationship Stress / by orangeLychee8842
Last post
 December 30th, 2022
...See more It's complicated. So I meet a guy on 2016 and we tried to have a baby but all the tries were unsuccessful for about 2 years. We were never in a relationship besides being friends with benefits but we had a strong connection (all of our conversations flow smooth and at ease). We used to spend a lot of time together and we were there during the good and bad times (sickness, family matters, birthdays and graduations). I have to admit that I fell in love with him but at that time we met he was finalizing his divorce. And no I am not a home wrecker , I met him when he was separated and finalizing his divorce because his wife cheated on him while he was on deployment. Also, I used to babysit his daughter when it was needed after the divorce. Anyways he never told me he loved me but he expressed that he had feelings for me but didn't want to be in a relationship at that time. Anyways on year 3, I meet another guy who I am currently engaged to and we've together for about 4 years. I moved out of state let's just say about 6 states away ( about 2,000 miles away). The day when I told my friend with benefits that I was moving he told me he loved me and he wanted a relationship as he was ready. I told him that I waited so long to hear that from him and I left 2000 miles away. 2019-2022. We (my friend with benefits and I) we kept in contact and we tried to be friends but we lost contact cause he was upset that I left. Also he begged me for a whole year to move back. I then suggested for him to move back to his hometown but he said until his daughter turns 18. He also told me that he felt that my fiance was using me and did not love as much as he did. He also said that my fiance doesn't care about me. So we went separate ways for a year and then contacted each other again to see how we were doing. 2021-2022 we lost contact again because he got married to a girl he barely met. His marriage was toxic as she had many health and mental health issues plus her kids. They got divorced recently. Currently he is undergoing financial hardships. Throughout those years let's just say my relationship with my fiance has been bumpy majority of the time. When we moved in together I found out that he was cheating on me on the 1st week I moved in and he was on multiple relationships while he was with me prior to me moving in with him until I gave him an ultimatum. I stayed at that time because I didn't have a job plus I was there a week and the drive is terrible. Things got better then his friends and family didn't like me because I'm a different ethnicity. Then I tried to leave as well last year because I was tired as I do everything for us and also when I had a couple medical emergency his urgency wasn't that urgent. Also he doesn't really talk as much and all he wants to do is be on the couch. Well currently we have a home together and 3 dogs. My relationship with his friends and someone of his family members got better. I am more economically stable 2000 miles away from my hometown. Also, we are planning our wedding for summer 2023. Anyways, we are currently on vacation at my hometown. Yesterday, me and my fiance we had a conversation jokely if I could go out with my guy friends and their kids and he said he didn't care and it was fine. Well I went to the store last night minding my own business and on a rush as always. Mind you I haven't had contact with my friend for a year and I blocked my friend with benefits from social media and I deleted his number. Welll... I saw my friend with benefits and his daughter at the store last night. My fiance doesn't know as he was you go to the store and buy blah blah. My friend with benefits his birthday is today. Well we bought a cake, I hanged out with his daughter and we talked. I told him what my fiance said about it was fine me hanging out with a guy and his kids. My friend with benefits he said if I was him I would of been suspicious and it seems like he doesn't care about you. If you are wondering nothing happened besides hugs and stares. His daughter kept calling me mom. I think what got to me is when his daughter asked me if I had kids and she wanted to play with them. In my head I was like if I never would of left I think I would of been her step mom and she would of had brothers and sisters. While we all 3 we're together it felt right like I felt at ease and peace. I felt butterflies like I did back in 2017. When I left I teared a little cause my comfort was gone like that little peace was gone. I've losing sleep cause I can't stop thinking of him and his daughter I feel all tingly. I can't describe how I feel but one thing for sure is I don't feel guilt. At this point I am confused and conflicted. I feel like I shouldn't have celebrated his birthday with his daughter. I don't know if this is a sign I should be with my fiance or an obstacle that God is giving me.. I'm just so confused.
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Confused and conflicted
Relationship Stress / by orangeLychee8842
Last post
 January 19th, 2023
...See more It's complicated. So I meet a guy on 2016 and we tried to have a baby but all the tries were unsuccessful for about 2 years. We were never in a relationship besides being friends with benefits but we had a strong connection (all of our conversations flow smooth and at ease). We used to spend a lot of time together and we were there during the good and bad times (sickness, family matters, birthdays and graduations). I have to admit that I fell in love with him but at that time we met he was finalizing his divorce. And no I am not a home wrecker , I met him when he was separated and finalizing his divorce because his wife cheated on him while he was on deployment. Also, I used to babysit his daughter when it was needed after the divorce. Anyways he never told me he loved me but he expressed that he had feelings for me but didn't want to be in a relationship at that time. Anyways on year 3, I meet another guy who I am currently engaged to and we've together for about 4 years. I moved out of state let's just say about 6 states away ( about 2,000 miles away). The day when I told my friend with benefits that I was moving he told me he loved me and he wanted a relationship as he was ready. I told him that I waited so long to hear that from him and I left 2000 miles away. 2019-2022. We (my friend with benefits and I) we kept in contact and we tried to be friends but we lost contact cause he was upset that I left. Also he begged me for a whole year to move back. I then suggested for him to move back to his hometown but he said until his daughter turns 18. He also told me that he felt that my fiance was using me and did not love as much as he did. He also said that my fiance doesn't care about me. So we went separate ways for a year and then contacted each other again to see how we were doing. 2021-2022 we lost contact again because he got married to a girl he barely met. His marriage was toxic as she had many health and mental health issues plus her kids. They got divorced recently. Currently he is undergoing financial hardships. Throughout those years let's just say my relationship with my fiance has been bumpy majority of the time. When we moved in together I found out that he was cheating on me on the 1st week I moved in and he was on multiple relationships while he was with me prior to me moving in with him until I gave him an ultimatum. I stayed at that time because I didn't have a job plus I was there a week and the drive is terrible. Things got better then his friends and family didn't like me because I'm a different ethnicity. Then I tried to leave as well last year because I was tired as I do everything for us and also when I had a couple medical emergency his urgency wasn't that urgent. Also he doesn't really talk as much and all he wants to do is be on the couch. Well currently we have a home together and 3 dogs. My relationship with his friends and someone of his family members got better. I am more economically stable 2000 miles away from my hometown. Also, we are planning our wedding for summer 2023. Anyways, we are currently on vacation at my hometown. Yesterday, me and my fiance we had a conversation jokely if I could go out with my guy friends and their kids and he said he didn't care and it was fine. Well I went to the store last night minding my own business and on a rush as always. Mind you I haven't had contact with my friend for a year and I blocked my friend with benefits from social media and I deleted his number. Welll... I saw my friend with benefits and his daughter at the store last night. My fiance doesn't know as he was you go to the store and buy blah blah. My friend with benefits his birthday is today. Well we bought a cake, I hanged out with his daughter and we talked. I told him what my fiance said about it was fine me hanging out with a guy and his kids. My friend with benefits he said if I was him I would of been suspicious and it seems like he doesn't care about you. If you are wondering nothing happened besides hugs and stares. His daughter kept calling me mom. I think what got to me is when his daughter asked me if I had kids and she wanted to play with them. In my head I was like if I never would of left I think I would of been her step mom and she would of had brothers and sisters. While we all 3 we're together it felt right like I felt at ease and peace. I felt butterflies like I did back in 2017. When I left I teared a little cause my comfort was gone like that little peace was gone. I've losing sleep cause I can't stop thinking of him and his daughter I feel all tingly. I can't describe how I feel but one thing for sure is I don't feel guilt. At this point I am confused and conflicted. I feel like I shouldn't have celebrated his birthday with his daughter. I don't know if this is a sign that me and my fiance shouldn't be together or an obstacle that God is putting in place. I'm just conflicted and lost.
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