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orangetree7
1 165 M Embraced 1
PathStep 6 Compassion hearts11 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2024 Member sinceSeptember 30, 2024
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Grandparents passed away
Grief & Loss / by orangetree7
Last post
 October 7th, 2024
...See more My great grandpa and grandpa both passed away in 2023. My great grandpa passed at the beggining of the year, around January 2 or 3. My grandpa assed on December 12. I have never felt more guilty is my life, I live with the regret of not being able to say goodbye. I remember the day before, I was thinking about him and I thought I should give him a call to say hello, the next day my mom was different than usual. I just felt it in my heart that something had happened. I was anxious all day, and when I found out I was at school and I was holding back my tears and as soon as a I got home I burst into tears. It hurts me so much because left my country about 9 years ago and I hadn't seen him in person since then. KKnowingI couldn't attend his funeral or even go back to my country hurts. I feel like im trapped in a cage and I can't escesc. My life is good as it is, and going back to my home country would completely turn it around for the worse. I am venezuelan and recently they had presidential election which was fraudulent, I hoped with my whole heart that my people would finally be freed from the suffering and I know both my grandparents would have really wanted everything to change for the best. When I found out that the election was fraudulent, I felt like my world went silent, all the hopes we had were all gone. I couldn't sleep for days knowing that even if my grandparents were alive right now they wouldn't be able to feel happiness for the election. I feel such pain for my country, and I always wonder how life would be if we had a good president and I would've never moved away. How everything would be so much different and how I would have the life I was supposed to have but was stolen from me. Don't get me wrong I am extremely grateful for my parents hard work and the sacrifices they make for my brother and I, but I just cant help and wonder how it would've all been. My family wouldn't have to be scattered around the world and we would be able to all have breakfast on the weekends as the big family we are that now has been split. I love my grandma with all my heart, more than I can explain with words. My great grandpa who was her father, passed away like I mentioned. She loved him so much she had visited him back in September and she sent me selfies, both of them smiling and drinking coffee. After he passed, my grandma looked so sad and it hurt me so deeply in my soul cause I love her so much and seeing her in such pain hurt me. All the memories I remember of my great grandpa, all when I was a little girl. She would always cry and it hurt me so badly, I remember the day he passed I was having a sleepover with my friends, my dad was crying and I tried not to cry to not ruin the mood for my friends, but early in the morning I woke up and went to the bathroom, and all I could do was cry. Seeing my reflection on the mirror made it even worse knowing that I could finally let it all out. I wanted to be there for my grandma so badly, but I just didnt know how to and I didn't want to say something that made her sadder. It hurts so bad seeing both my mother and grandmother grieving and It hurts me that I couldn't bring my grandpa great grand children. It hurts me that they couldn't see me graduate highschool and congratulate me in a phone cal, hurts me they couldn't see me success in life and hurts me that I couldn't see them for one last time. It's been many months but it hurts so bad, I just wish things were different. After their passing, I never let myself not say I love you to both my grandmas. I love them both so much and I can't wait to grow up and show them the successful woman I will turn into. I also with my whole heart, hope that one day my home country will get better, and that I will be able to experience the beauty of it that I wasn't able to live, but that my grandpa and great grandpa were able to. And the day it changes, will go back and enjoy it for my grandpa and great grandpa.
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