overthinker573 Member Profile

...See more This situation is a bit complicated, so bear with me. My girlfriend and I have been together for only 1½ years. From the moment we saw each other, everything between us just clicked and from that point, we were practically inseparable. A few months after we started seeing each other, everything changed. Her ex-husband found out she was seeing someone and started causing a lot of problems. Just to put things into perspective, they still live together because they have 3 kids. She has tried to leave multiple times, but her ex always manages to find a way to bring her back. She's afraid that if she leaves, he'll find a way to keep her kids from her, so she's pretty much stuck there until she can figure something out. She does plan on moving ip here, but wants to make sure she can have a place for her kids too. This is one of many things that causes problems between her and I, because we have to pretty much sneak to see each other. Also, the middle child doesn't like it at all, so in order to keep problems to a minimum, he doesn't see us together and we don't talk on the phone around him. So, the only way for us to see each other is when she drives up to see her family that live near me (she lives an hour away) and this was usually every weekend. Here's where things get even more complicated. I've been traumatized in the past from a string of mentally abusive and toxic relationships which have caused me to have trust issues on top of my overthinking brain. I'm always thinking negatively and assuming the worst, which I know doesn't help my situation at all. The last few months have been really bad and we got to a point where we were arguing almost every day because she's been busy with other things and we just couldn't spend any time together. I would say stupid things, like she's sleeping with her ex or she doesn't love me, etc and it didn't seem to matter how many times she would reassure me and tell me I have nothing to worry about; I just wouldn't see it that way. Because of this, she has been pulling away and the desire to see each other has diminished. I know that's mostly my fault for behaving improperly and in her words, taking out my past on her. I'm feeling like it's too late, because she recently told me that she doesn't know what to feel about anything anymore. She's been so busy trying to please everyone else, that she neglected her own happiness and needs to find herself again. I get that, but I'm feeling like I pushed her to that point and I'm getting scared of losing her, because she won't talk to me about about her issues. I'm trying my best not to be pushy with her, but I just can't help it sometimes. I want to be there for her and want her to feel like she can talk to me. Yesterday, I told her that I was thinking about all the times I accused her of not making an effort or trying and looking at how things are now, that I was so very wrong. She actually said she was glad I'm starting to see things how she was seeing them, so I guess that's a plus? I've been crying and apologizing for the last week now, because I feel guilty that I pushed her past her limit and just want to make things right. We still talk every day, but not anything like we used to. She would usually call me when she got out of the house to go shopping or whatever else, but she stopped. She also used to text me in the morning, but lately I'm not hearing from her until almost mid-afternoon and that's usually it until I'm getting ready for bed and telling her goodnight. I know we lost our spark, but my fear is is not getting that back and the relationship coming to an end. I don't know what to do other than keep trying to talk to her, but not push any issues. I know I have my own problems that is s huge cause for our problems as a couple, but I'm afraid I'm doing too little, too late. I love her deeply and just want to make things work

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