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patientWater507
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts7 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2025 Member sinceFebruary 22, 2025
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Trying to figure out what's going on with me
Personality Disorders Support / by patientWater507
Last post
 February 22nd, 2025
...See more I have a history of childhood trauma in the form of emotional neglect. My parents divorced when I was 5 and my mom went MIA for 3 years. I blocked a lot of that time, so I don't know if the stories my dad used to tell of my mom forgetting to pick up at school or not showing up are true. I just remember that I didn't really see her much. Once she got hitched again, she wanted me back in her life. That lasted for about 5 years, in which I was her babysitter for her new kid when she needed to be out. I thought I was experiencing love, but I was really just experiencing being needed and used. I'm not sure my mom was capable of love. My dad, on the other hand, was a Vietnam vet with his own issues and was extremely emotionally dismissive. The words, I don't know, from me was met with difficulty or ridicule in a debate (which was a common occurrence in my teens). He was loving, but also aloof and distant at times. Failure for me wasn't really an option, I had to be smart and get out.  Fast forward and I'm on my second marriage and doing my best to keep it while screwing up on the regular with my reactivity. I can't stop misperceiving situations as threats instead of acts of kindness or love lately. I have a counselor that says I have an attachment disorder and a hypnotherapist that mentioned they thought my husband might be on the narcissism spectrum. I saw some of it in him, but I began doing research and realized there are parallels in me of being a covert/vulnerable narcissist. I am the victim often and I passive aggressively lash out when hurt without regard or understanding of the intentions. This has gotten worse as my hormones have been thrown out of whack due to some changes in medications due to a liver condition.  I am seeking some understanding of what's going on with me. Do I have an attachment issue, covert narcissism, PTSD or all of the above. Is there any help for my behavior, because I really do love my partner and my life with them, but I can't seem to stop my racing, negative reactions or passive aggressive comments that are really turning toxic and abusive.
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