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persistentCherry3692
208 M Embraced 2
PathStep 11 Compassion hearts14 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2022 Member sinceAugust 13, 2022
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My boyfriend has Aspergers and I'm having a hard time getting through to him
Relationship Stress / by persistentCherry3692
Last post
 August 20th, 2022
...See more I have a Long Distance relationship with my bf going on 5 yrs now. It was a bit rocky in the begging as he wasn't sure what he wanted. Took him breaking up with me in 2020 for him to realize that he wanted me in his life. First time we met in person was in 2021 (I'm in UT, he's in Walton, NY), I stayed there for a week but in a hotel. We saw each other but not as much as I expected. He also got nervous suddenly and was thinking maybe it would be a good idea for me to go back home earlier because meeting me caused him a bit of anxiety and stress. We still saw each other twice in that trip after that. I went back this year. Stayed at a closer hotel, we spent more time together and I visited his house. Before I left, however, I saw him getting his phone to text and hiding his screen from me. Then I was holding him a notification from Telegram, an app I didn't know he had, popped up on his screen. I talked to him about that after I left, and before leaving I asked him if I could stay in his house next time and he said yes. When I asked him about the things I mentioned earlier, he apologized and said that hiding his screen is a reflex because he does it in front of his family all the time. He also mentioned that he uses Telegram because his Discord friends prefer it over messenger. The screen hiding I noticed the first time I visited too but I brushed it off. Needless to say, it set off my anxiety. When I was texting him a few days ago saying that I was thinking of buying my ticket to go there in May rn because the prices, he said he couldn't see me next year and that he would come to me. Which struck me as weird knowing his sensory issues. He said he would start therapy but the problem is, therapy helps but it doesn't flip a switch in his mind to change things because although it can help, it won't erase ASD symptoms completely so it will be up to him to come. He stated it was taxing on him and his mom. I felt off about it. I told him I could compromise a bit and instead of having them pick me up at the airport an hour away that I'd drive to the hotel myself, and would drive to see him for a few hours and even make my trip shorter than a week. So far, we had no resolution. He said he was gonna speak to his mom about the option of coming here but I know she won't think it's a good idea. It's difficult to get through to him. It seems he avoids talking about difficult stuff. The thing is I told him I can't compromise more than I have. If he can't come, I'd like to come to him even if I have to spend less days. I've been very depressed for the past month. Racing thoughts, lack of sleep, eating very little. I don't know what to do. I want to be understanding but I can't just not see him at all next year.
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