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pinkPrint1979
105 M Embraced 1
PathStep 4 Compassion hearts9 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2020 Member sinceFebruary 8, 2020
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Husband keeping secret(s)
Relationship Stress / by pinkPrint1979
Last post
 February 10th, 2020
...See more My husband and I have been together for 10 years and have 2 boys aged 4 and 7. I come from overseas and all my relatives live abroad. The only support I have had is my husband and his parents, which has been alright. Although I have spent a lot of times seeing a psychologist when I have felt sad. My father was diagnosed with cancer and past away 3 years ago. Lucky I got to say goodbye. My relationship with my parents in laws has been ok, but there has been some tension relating to some of my outbursts on social media about some things between me and my husband. I know I should not have written personal things on there, but I didnt know where else to go at the time. I have since deactivated my FB account and havent looked at it for 3 weeks now. In January I had a falling out with my mother in law and havent seen or spoken to my parents in laws since, which I feel ok about as I get tense just thinking about them. This is inevitably creating some miscommunication between me and my husband. He would like for us to reunite, but I am not seeing that happening anytime soon. Long story short, I went on to his computer in his home office the other day to check his messages with his mum. I know I could have just asked him, but he doesnt seem to tell me everything that is going on. While I did that I noticed a message from a girl we both used to know 10 years ago who he was ‘working with at the time. My husband is a videographer and back then he was young and trialling video of a few girls in their underwear… As he was single back then that is nothing to be concerned about. However, the other day I saw this message between him and her where she was asking him to help her out with some money. And in her message she made it clear that he had helped her out once before. I was a bit puzzled about this and didnt say anything about it, as I was a bit in shock. I thought maybe he would tell me about it later after the boys were put to bed, but that never happened. Since then I have checked our shared bank account and can tell that he has transferred money to her twice in the last 2 weeks, but nothing before that (as I know of). It is fairly small amounts of money, nothing major, so I am not concerned about the money. I am concerned that he is keeping this secret from me though… I dont know what to do. Today I went back into his office to check if there were any more messages between them, but he had deleted it. This just leaves me with the question if he is keeping any more secrets from me. My husband has never been an outspoken person and always answer with very short and direct sentences. If I ask him why he didnt tell me about something (about his parents or anything else) he usually says, well you never asked… I dont want this to blow up in our faces and cause any problems to our relationship, but I know we need to talk about it. How should I go about it? Thank you in advance.
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