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pioneeringBunny9006
94 M Embraced 1
PathStep 3 Compassion hearts8 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2020 Member sinceMarch 31, 2020
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Lost Cause?
Relationship Stress / by pioneeringBunny9006
Last post
 September 12th, 2020
...See more I'm sorry this is so long but I needed to get this all out. I have been married to my husband for 3yrs now and been together for 8yrs total. There were signs in the past that I felt our relationship had issues but I ignored them because I could still be happy or have a lot of happy moments with a few bad ones. The majority of our marriage has felt like the opposite for me. It could just be because we've been in very stressful situations since the beginning of our marriage, and it could get better once those go away, but I'm worried they won't. These are three of the main reasons I'm worried: 1. Doesn't wear his wedding band. Since he's a mechanic I get not wearing it at work but any other time he doesn't. For me, I feel honored and proud wearing it because it symbolizes our marriage and him wanting to be with me. When I made a bigger deal out of him not wearing one, he said it's just a ring. 2. Not affectionate towards me. He always said he's just not an affectionate person but I am, so it was really hard at first but I adjusted. I still wanted to cuddle and hold hands but when I tried to initiate those things he became upset or ripped his hands away. The only form of affection I willingly got was sex and lately that has died off too. 3. Most of the time when I try to bring up an issue we're having he doesn't want to talk about it, he just argues. He says, "oh, so it's always my fault," or "it's never good enough for you so I shouldn't even try anymore," or "well now you're making me feel bad" to make me feel bad for how he's making me feel if that makes sense. I don't want to argue and yell I just want to fix the problem. It usually doesn't calm down until I start crying and then he quiets down because he says he wants me to stop because it makes him feel bad. This isn't the type of marriage I thought I would have and it's not the one I want. I want to make things better or easier for us because I do love him but I don't know if these are all things that we can fix. He doesn't want to see a therapist and I can't change someone and make them be someone they're not. And I can't help thinking that maybe if he wasn't with me he would want to be affectionate and want everyone to know he belonged to someone. Maybe that someone just isn't me. Am I wrong in thinking this? Is there hope we can change things? Or am I just making all of this a bigger deal than it needs to be?
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