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plantladyburg
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PathStep 4 Compassion hearts36 Forum posts5 Forum upvotes20 Current upvotes20 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2025 Member sinceMarch 10, 2023
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Marriage rant/vent, really long 🤪
Relationship Stress / by plantladyburg
Last post
 May 17th, 2025
...See more I really debated posting this and even using 7 Cups, but I feel like I'm at the end of my rope and I don't know what else to do. Therapy is not really an option due the issues I'm about to relate.... So some background: my husband and I have been married for 4 years this month. Combined we have three boys. One is mine, one is his, and one is ours. Ours is 4 months old. We started dating shortly after his son turned one in October of 2019. He and his ex-wife officially divorced in November 2019 and we started dating December 2019 and made our relationship official in January 2020. They had been separated since his son was 3 months due to (multiple counts of) infidelity on his ex-wife's part. So anyways, we have always had a good, loving relationship despite any issues or disagreements we've had. I was in therapy for a year or two after our marriage due to anger issues and childhood trauma, plus I was dealing with a lot of stress due to my stepson's behavior and problems we were having with the ex-wife. Last year, I unexpectedly got pregnant with our baby after 3 years of trying to conceive and finally deciding to give up. I was incredibly sick throughout the entire pregnancy, going back and forth to the hospital, had a lot of ER and inpatient visits up until baby boy was born in January of this year. Until the pregnancy, things were good between us. We had our differences, but never really considered separating or divorce. We would usually talk it out, with me being the initiator most times. I had a difficult first trimester and it was then that divorce suddenly came up. I was paranoid, more anxious than normal, extraordinarily sick all the time, and he works constantly, so he was never home. He never voiced it until I asked him, but he admitted he considered divorcing me during the first trimester. Once the first trimester was over, things got a little better, hormones calmed down, I wasn't AS sick, and everything seemed okay. Now it's back to the same patterns. Hes rarely home, I take care of the baby mostly on my own, we never have conversations, he just wants to have sex when he is home. He's very OCD about certain things and it's starting to cause a lot of problems. He's obsessed with money and our finances, he's vegan and obsessed with health and nutrition. We have outgrown our house, but he refuses to move. The house had black mold and he promised me we would move then, but we had it removed and he backed out. Now it's the same situation. He's agreed to move, I have found lovely houses, and last night he texted me saying he did not feel comfortable moving due to debts that we owe. This is where his OCD and obsessions come in. He insists we pay the maximum plus extra on all debts, pay all large bills in full rather than installments, limits how often we eat out because it costs too much, etc. He has started picking apart (literally) food that I cook if it contains cheese. I already stress about cooking meals that he and our boys will eat. He is the only one who is vegan, so I don't cater to him unless it's meat. He works constantly to pay off the debts, which are a car payment and unexpected HVAC replacement. The debt is in the $20k range for each, so I understand WHY he wants them paid off. But I don't understand his urgency. Like I have told him, debts will be there regardless and unexpected things (like the HVAC) will always happen. He says we cannot make it on one paycheck alone, so we works two jobs. One is a 3rd shift, 7 on/7 off position. The other is a three day a week day shift job on his "off" week. He is literally never home. And when he is, he is usually playing video games with HIS son. I'm at my wits end. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells, like my wants and needs are being ignored, etc. He is a GOOD man, a good dad, and a good husband. But he is so caught up in his weird little quirks that it's destroying our marriage. No matter what I say or how I say it, he doesn't seem to understand that he might be the problem. I see a psychiatrist for anxiety and depression. I have seen a therapist to work on my own issues and come a very long way. He refuses to do anything. He saw a therapist on our couples' therapists recommendation, but said he and his therapist had nothing to talk about because "nothing was wrong" with him. And then we eventually quit couples' therapy because he complained about the price and wouldn't talk to her either. Anyways, if you have read this far, thank you so much. I just really needed to get this all out more than get advice or anything. But if you have advice, I will definitely be glad to hear it. I dont want to divorce my husband. I love him dearly and want nothing more than our marriage to work out.
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