plumeyes21 Member Profile

...See more Hi, I've never done anything like this before, but I don't know who else to talk to about it. I'm in a relationship, and lately, it's been incredibly difficult. I love my girlfriend very much. When I'm with her, I enjoy being there, making her laugh, seeing her happy, and I know there's something real between us. But at the same time, my mind won't stop racing. I'm constantly being attacked by thoughts about her past. Things like I wasn't her first time, who she was with before, what she did, if she enjoyed herself with others, who she sent pictures to, etc. And the worst part is that it's not just one thought; it's one after another. Just when I manage to "get over" one, a different one pops up. Some of these thoughts come from things she told me when we were friends, not because I asked her about them recently. At the time, they didn't bother me, but now that I love her, all of that weighs heavily on me. I've tried to respond to these thoughts logically, telling myself that she's with me now, that what we have is different, that what matters is the present… but it doesn't work. My mind keeps searching for something else to latch onto. I also realize that I wish things had been different, like it had been her first time or that she hadn't had certain experiences, and I know that's unrealistic, but it still hurts. This is causing me a lot of anxiety and exhaustion. There are days when I'm calm, but then suddenly everything hits me at once and I feel completely overwhelmed. I've even thought about ending the relationship just to have some peace of mind, not so much because I don't love her, but because I can't stand how I feel anymore. The most confusing thing is that I know I love her, but at the same time, there's a part of me that wants to run away from all of this. It's like being torn between what I feel when I'm with her and what I think when I'm alone. I've never been in a situation like this before, nor have I ever felt these kinds of things, so I don't know if this is something normal that can be worked on or if it's a sign that the relationship isn't right for me. If anyone has been through something similar or has any advice, I would really appreciate it. I used translator for this text, sorry if there's any mistakes

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