pocketbees Member Profile

...See more Im really stuck in misery. I have two friends, one is(was?) my FP and the other was a nice, supportive friend (will call F2). I was hurt by an action by my FP and talked to F2 about it. She talked me through it and insisted if express my feelings to FP in a rational way. I did so and my FP said I was being controlling and possessive and she doesnt owe me anything and that it was bad of me to go to F2. It caused me to seriously split and when I talked to F2 next she said that everything FP said was valid—I was still angry when she was talking to me until she said that I was missing her points and hurting her. After a few minutes of thinking I sent her an apology message but she just told me she was done and when I said i understood she just said doubtful and to stop responding to her messages. Of course, in my post-split shame, I sent my FP a message equating to Im sorry Im a terrible person, goodbye forever and have since just spiked in self-loathing. I feel like a monster that watched as I destroy all my friendships around me. They both have their own lives and feelings and I hate myself for my toxic behavior that hurt them. I want to fix things, but one clearly isnt interested and I dont know how to come back from that sort of stupid ass dramatic message. I try so hard to manage my disorder but its still ruining my friendships.

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