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politeSky7671
1 81 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts7 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2022 Member sinceMarch 16, 2022
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Hello. I am bipolar from a brain injury, anyone like me out there?
Newbie Hub / by politeSky7671
Last post
 March 25th, 2022
...See more I feel so damn alone. I am 51 and 7 years ago I was so called normal. I probably had some bipolar, but was dealing with it and able to function normally….like I had a job and a life and was handling it ok, but then I had a traumatic brain injury with massive scrambling to my frontal lobe. I LOOK normal, but I am diagnosed as severe bipolar now. I cannot control my emotions…they are all over the place. I cannot remember who I was, but because I look normal, people assume I am normal, so when I act weird, people shun me and are really cruel. I can’t hold a job and didn’t qualify for disability and now it is too late to get any ( I haven’t been able to work for more than five out of the last ten years and do not qualify please do not ask, I was just told I do not qualify anymore.) I hate who I am, hate that my emotions are a wild ride, hate that I cannot function. Doctors consider me normal because my brain looks normal now. My moods are all over the place, I am irritable, can be aggressive and even so angry I want to hurt people for no reason. I used to be a NURSE in a HEALING profession, so this anger for no reason is crazy, I can be ridiculously happy for no reason then so depressed I cry for DAYS and cannot get out of the bed. I have no friends because I am confused A LOT. I do not remember who I was before my accident. My family thinks I am faking it and has NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. My old friends think I am crazy and have nothing to do with me. I have periods of paranoia, intense giggling, confusion, all out mania…..I have been on meds but they make me WORSE. I HATE myself and cannot function anymore. I never know what emotion I may have and I cannot function…I can sit and giggle about nothing or cry for no reason…just intense emotional outbursts I cannot control. Ignorant people tell me to count to ten or try to control myself but half the time I am not even aware I am acting crazy or bizarre, so how can I control something I am not even aware I am doing? I get mad at people for nothing, laugh or cry for nothing and frustrated because all this is out of my control. My insurance covers nothing, we were bankrupted from the initial traumatic injury and I am left here, with no money and no hope and no support, not knowing what to do and miserable that I survived. Anyone else going through this or have any clue what I should do?
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