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promisemehope
1,467 M Little Steps 5
PathStep 120 Compassion hearts97 Forum posts34 Forum upvotes65 Current upvotes65 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2020 Member sinceAugust 3, 2015
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Looking for long term listener.
General Support / by promisemehope
Last post
 August 30th, 2017
...See more I have anxiety and depression. I have been through allot of trauma over the years from child abuse to domesitic abuse. I am struggling to let go and move on.
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My story *trigger warnings*
Trauma Support / by promisemehope
Last post
 February 21st, 2016
...See more I was sick with meningitis at 8 months old, due to the effects of the illness I was left with mild cp and I couldn't speak intelligibly until I was 7 years old. My mom was a single mom who lived with my grandparents at the time. While my mom and grandma was off at work, my grandpa would hire hookers to come over to do sexual acts with him while I was still in the room. He bribed me with toys not to tell even if I could tell no one could understand me due to lack of speech. I was three or four years old at the time and this was probably going on since way before that. My mom got married to my step father when I was five years old and we moved out of my parents house. This may of been a good thing and made me stronger in many different ways but this way of living wasn't right. My parents raised me as a child who didn't have disabilities. I remember getting beat with a belt by my step father cause I was frustrated that no one could understand me and I acted out. There was a couple other instances like that over the years. WHen I was 6 it was during the summer one night I at my cousins house and my older cousin raped me. I was taught sign language in school and was intensive speech therapy my family chose not to learn sign to communicate with me. Over the years even when I could communicate well enough for my family to understand me. The abuse just got worse by either physical, emotional, or just plain neglect (i have pain constantly from my left side due to one leg shorter than the other. When i was able to finally get insurance on my own due to job a simple lift in my shoe fixed my limp mostly.) When I was in eighth grade and started to have tics were my head jerked right while my right arm jerked at the same time. I was constantly yelled at and was told to stop that behavior for attention but I had no control over my body. The daily fights got worse enough when I was a senior in high school that I attempted suicide that's when my mom took me to a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with ADHD and depression. I got a small break when the psychiatrist prescribed me meds and told my mom to back off. I was so grateful when I left the house when I graduated from high school and went to college. I was going for my nursing degree to become a trauma nurse. I met what I thought was the perfect guy and we became engaged months later. However my good times were soon to end. My fiance joined a cult type of church and things went down from there. He started to become abusive to me due to rules of the church. I tried to get him help and intervention of sorts with his family and I failed. I didn't give up and the abuse continued until the day he strangled me and beat me. I was out for god knows how long and received an brain injury from my stupidity trying to get my fiance back to his old self. Due to this and other bad decisions it strangled with my parents even more. I just wish I can be good enough for my parents to accept me for who I am some day.
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