pureLychee4703 Member Profile

...See more Hi there. I'm not sure where to start this. I believe I might be addicted or obsessed with hentai porn. Specifically loliita. Now that, in and of itself, I'm not worried. Art is not reality. If it was then I'd be a serial killer by now. I LOVE horror and crime shows. The more bloody and grusome the better. However I have concerns for two reasons. The first is I've noticed I'm seeking it out far more frequently. I started out doing a casual search every few years and now I'm seeking it out most nights. I know it's affecting my sex life because Its difficult to get off without it anymore. My beloved noticed some of it on my computer and was concerned. He actually told me it made him uncomfortable because the content was so disturbing. The torture death theme worried him. He said it can't be normal for a person to have that much interest in the topic. The second thing that worries me is that I don't want my child to stumble across it. I'm not an expert but I bet that kid will be pretty messed up. I hide the horror films from my son for the same reason. And he not allowed on my Shudder account or my computer. Even though I'm nervous my son might find it, I can't bring myself to delete it. THAT is a problem for me. I decided to get counciling. Well I'm trying anyway. I don't really want to but I trust my beloveds judgement. The thing is I'm nervous to talk to a councilor or therapist. I'm afraid to be judged as a criminal. I'm afraid the councilor would see it as a sign I'm one loose screw away from being a mad dog rapist. Which is not the case. But if they can think that then they can call cps and destroy everything I love. I don't want that. This just feels surreal. How do I talk about this to my councilor when I get one. How do I make it clear I'm not a bad person? I feel like the frog in a pot of water. I want to escape this but it feels like it's too late. This whole thing just snuck up on me while I wasn't looking. Is it safe to get a councilor to help me understand why I'm focused on this? Because I don't want to be focused on it anymore. I just can't look away. Thank God the internet is anonymous. I know that art isn't reality. so why do I feel so much fear? Does any of this make sense?

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