purpleWillowss Member Profile

...See more Some days ago I randomly admitted in front of my mother that I'm lesbian. She's a cold person, doesn't really talk or listen. I don't know why I thought it could pass as a random information, I just tend to be chill about it because I feel more at peace since I started admitting to myself too, that I'm gay. What I was expecting was to get ignored as always, or maybe her being disappointed in silence or I don't know. She looked at me in the eyes and said she'll kill herself. In that moment I laughed and told her she's exaggerated, that it isn't a bad thing and certainly not bad enough for her to want to kill herself 😅😅. She didn't say anything and since then she's been quiet about it. Didn't tell my father. Didn't ask me again about it. I don't think she'll ever bring it up again. She'll just ignore me again. Maybe she'll use it against me eventually in the future. I only later realized how terrible it made me feel. She'd kill herself because I don't like men. That's the level of how wrong it seems to be like me. It makes me really sad, though I'm old enough and I don't need her approvals. It makes me angry that It'd be better if i didn't tell her. why?? I sometimes wish I was bi or ace or dead already. They all feel like I'd be more valid. My girlfriend left me without explaining two months ago, it was out of nowhere and unexpected... and now I don't know what's the point of wanting another relationship, how do I trust others? And how do I avoid feeling wrong for not being able fo have a normal family with kids and all? This is way too long I'll end it here, also don't take too seriously what I said it's just.. a lot of thoughts put together at 6am after a sleepless night before my online classes. sigh. Thanks for reading, really

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