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queendomnex
281 M Embraced 2
PathStep 4 Compassion hearts53 Forum posts7 Forum upvotes14 Current upvotes14 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2023 Member sinceMarch 7, 2022
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Hello, Again
Trauma Support / by queendomnex
Last post
 November 24th, 2023
...See more LONG POST!!! One year ago, I was using this app to vent my trauma. No one really responded much, but just writing it out helped. I just wanted to update this profile and let everyone know that life does not get better. But you can. In the time span that I moved away from my abusive family, I got therapy. Met my bio-dad, had a 6 month relationship that ended, became homeless, gave my child up for adoption (many reasons, its open and I message her adoptive parents everyday, she's doing so much better), and I got my first apartment out homelessness in July, got into a new and surprisingly healthy relationship, I had a job but quit sometimes over a week ago, I've had several interviews for new ones this past week for new ones. Rumors go around about the adoption, and I really don't care because I know why I did it. My kid is happy, she's healthy, finally got her shots updated, and she's with financially stable people. I couldn't bring her to suffer with me, as I'm still currently struggling to feed myself. I miss her a lot, I sleep with her blanket every night. I feel guilty for having happy moments without her. Its a lot but I don't regret the decision. Still going through a lot mentally, still going through the hard parts of life. But my efforts of trying are being rewarded, slowly but surely. I'm managing my emotions, for the first time really looking into them. And I'm always looking for different ways to improve my mental health. Yeah, my situation isn't desirable. However... I no longer have a suicidal plan to act on. I have less nightmares. I have less struggles figuring out what I'm feeling, and even seeing why I feel/act how I do. I have a lot I'm questioning about me and this time I'm actually figuring out. I wish things were different, I wish I had my kid, I wish I had a better paying job, a better home, no struggle for groceries. But every single day, I remind myself I gave my child a better life. I am happier without my toxic family (entirely NC). Not the ideal life, but the life I needed go through to break the generational curses on my family. Still have a lot of healing and a lot of stuff to fix in my life. But things are going to get there. I have made the choice that I am not going to go down without a fight, and I am one *** of a fighter.
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Coercion
Trauma Support / by queendomnex
Last post
 April 2nd, 2022
...See more When I was around 13 my stepdad, who adopted me when I was 2, began to feel me up before bedtime and anytime I told him I didn’t like it he told me that I had promised him this, even though I don’t remember doing so or having any idea. I didn’t really know anything about sex other than pregnancy and what parts men and women have. When I was 14 he finally started trying to do sexual things with me, making me promise sexual favors for things he would buy or do for me. I said yes because if I didn’t he would guilt trip me and make me feel bad and he would claim he felt unloved. I never liked any of it and this went on until I was 19 (2months from being 20) because he got me pregnant. I still live at home because he never allowed me to really get my license or have an actual job, so I have no way to leave. I was forced into keeping this child, and even though I love her so much I can’t stand him in our life. It’s really hard being a parent to her when I have days where being touched makes me shut down emotionally or mentally, and I can’t sleep because my dreams are usually about him trying to coerce me back into doing sexual favors. I never considered it rape since I had given my consent despite not wanting it. I’m 21 now and my daughter is 1.
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I have no idea what I am
LGBTQ+ / MOGII Support / by queendomnex
Last post
 March 8th, 2022
...See more I am AFAB and recently I’ve been identifying as non-binary. I’ve always hated being feminine and having a female body and recently I delved into the thought of being trans. I think I am? But I’m still unsure. I really enjoy the thought of being flat chested and having “masculine bits”, and I often find myself imagining me as a male in different universes when I’m writing. I still like “they/them” pronouns, tho. Help, please?
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