quickwittedHickory6735 Member Profile

...See more i have a tight-knit friend group of many years, but im very close with Mia and Ava (who are sisters, Mia's my age and Ava is younger) and had been close with them long before forming the friend group. i had a flirty vibe with Thomas for a time, but i was (and am still not sure) of my sexuality, and have often thought i might be aromantic or asexual. after a few months, i learned from Mia that Thomas was mad at me for leading him on, though he had never asked me out or asked me anything. he then got a girlfriend, and every single time i hung out with him, after learning he was mad at me, it created an issue -- i'd either hear that i was being too touchy with him, or too distant. so i stopped going to friendship hangouts, while Ava and Mia continued and i was left out. i felt like half the problem for not wanting to attend these things. finally, we made up a few months ago, and he told me that he had been in love with me. he wanted me to say that "it's never gonna happen", so i did in the moment and then regretted it. i kinda started to like him, and then on a whim i told him that. but i said we shouldn't do anything about it rn bc we had just gotten the friend group back together, and because i was about to leave for the summer, and i'm really bad with anything long distance. i really didn't want to do that. then he invited me over and gave an ultimatum basically, and convinced me to start something romantic which i didn't view as a red flag at the time, and we kissed and sorta agreed to start doing something casual, but i told him i still wasnt that sure about my sexuality. i thought about it after that night, and realized that i did feel pressured and i didn't want to continue anything romantic with him. i told him that, and he got super mad at me and talked badly about me to my friends, while i had nobody to support me. Ava, especially because she's close with both of us, was caught in the middle and i felt problematic for talking to her about my problems. she was annoyed at both of us for talking to her as well. Thomas and i agreed to hang out only in group settings, not one-on-one at least until i came back at the end of the summer. but a week later he asked me to come with him for a drive, and i said yes, and he showed me a love letter he wrote for me that was the most well-written thing i've ever read. i realized he did know me, more than i thought he did, and it kinda made me want him but i still didn't wanna start anything before the summer. i thought about it for a few days, but then, he randomly texted me "i'm gonna get over u." i went and talked to him in person and asked him to wait until i come back for the summer, and then i'd give him a hard answer. we kissed again. but right after i left, i thought about it and realized he's been pressuring me and kinda gaslighting me i think, this entire time, and made me feel super isolated from my friend group for years and kinda felt it was excusable just cause he was in love with me, and then he demanded that i gave him a hard answer when i clearly wasn't cool with that. i knew i needed space, but didn’t text him to tell him that and ended up ghosting for now. after i left town, Ava became his roommate. and now i see all of them hanging out together allllll the time, and i'm feeling betrayed by my friends and afraid that when i come back i'm gonna see them less because of how often they hang out with him. this summer, they've gotten closer than ever before. they said they don’t mention me ever around him because he just talks badly about me, and he’s mad and thinks it’s problematic that i told him i liked him at all in the first place. im not sure what to do in terms of ava and mia and our friendship dynamic, and to what extent i should tell ava, especially, my feelings. i’ve always felt like i’m half the problem in this entire dynamic, and she has made me feel that way but when i try to ask her why, i don’t get an answer. so i just can’t tell if im half the problem; if i am, i would like to know. and if i’m not, then i am offended by how close she is with thomas, and offended that i haven’t felt supported by her in the situation (even though she did listen to me talk about it and she was in the unfortunate position of being in the middle of it for a while, but ultimately set a boundary not allowing either of us to talk to her about each other). but im not sure if its fair of me to be upset about that. i started to talk to Ava about it today, and i sorta implied that i didn't want her to be friends with Thomas anymore (which is honestly what i want) and now i feel really bad about it. we started a convo but didn’t get to finish, but she said yes she thinks he’s problematic in this situation but not in other situations so she isn’t willing to not be friends with him. i will be back in town next month, and i’m afraid that they’ll be hanging out with the group and i’ll be left out again. even if that doesn’t happen, i’m worried about the dynamic with ava and mia regardless -- especially ava, because she’s so close. we’re gonna have a convo again soon, and idk what to do about our dynamic.

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