quietTiger3145 Member Profile

...See more Hey everyone, I'm not sure really where to start. I met my wife at a point where I had recently overcome some long periods of depression and addiction to pornography. I finally had my life turning around and meeting her really boosted my confidence. After some time dating I decided that she should know about my past. I guess it was because I wanted to make sure she would accept me with past flaws and all. Even though I hadn't viewed pornography for years, she took the news as if I was still doing it. The relationship became very rocky and began to push to the breaking point often. We both graduated college and went our separate ways. She headed north for an internship and I stayed where I had work. We tried to stay friends and she asked me to come visit her. I told her I wasn't sure I knew how to stay friends at that point. I argued with myself for a while but decided to go visit. We rekindled our relationship and over the course of the following year we decided to get married. It wasn't until after we were married that I realized I was fighting so hard to keep her. I was afraid that if she rejected me it would tear me apart and I wouldn't be able to love again. I was terrified of that rejection and so I did anything I could to keep her. This meant that the relationship had become severly one-sided. She was used to me doing everything and getting anything for her. After marriage I found that our "partnership" was more of a slavery. She rarely would do anything around the house to help and was quick to complain. We fought through that bumpy road and it's much better, although not completely. I've begun to be more vocal about my feelings and needs but it hasn't been going so well. A few months back I told her that when she interrupted everything I said, it made me feel unvalued and unimportant. I told her it was very hard for me. This was done in a very subdued manner and nothing even close to arguing happened. I almost used the exact words I typed and she began to bawl. When I dropped her off at her car that was left at work, she ran out of the car yelling "leave me alone", continuing to sob. I ran after her and tried to console her. I did to a certain point but we eventually had to head home. It was hard the rest of the night. Every time she does anything that bothers or hurts me I become quite (because I hesitate to say anything) and she must take it to mean that I'm mad at her. She becomes emotional again and I find myself having to comfort her. I feel like our issues aren't working out because communication can't happen and it's slowing dragging me down further and further. I'm not perfect, I do and say dumb things, but I feel like I'm really in a position where we can't win and I'm trying what I can on my end. She's not meanspirited or manipulative by any means, just naive and sensitive. I'm starting to lose my love for her and that scares me. I never thought I would be someone that contemplates divorce, but I do now, almost daily. I never will, but I worry about what other past demons will knock on my door. I don't know what random strangers on the internet can do about the situation. Mostly I just needed to get this out there, off my chest. Thanks if you even took the time to read this mini novel of mine.

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