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quitenight
1,255 M Little Steps 4
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts41 Forum posts55 Forum upvotes74 Current upvotes74 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 1970 Member sinceMarch 15, 2015
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my past.. (warning will be triggers)
Trauma Support / by quitenight
Last post
 October 3rd, 2016
...See more OK so before I start you should know I am not good at sentence structure and every I am gonna say is either something I remember or what has been told to me. This gonna be fragmented memories and family members views on my life. OK so my very first memory of abuse was a verbal assault from my mom, (she has multiple personality disorder, with schizophrenia, and extreme paronia) I was in the living room playing on a SNES and she was screaming and yelling about how she hated my brother and I and how we were never wanted, we were living in a house near a park and she did palm fortune telling as as job, the house had black mold in every room, when she was not working she was crying or practicing voodism, (I did not know that at the time) she also was into devil worship, she had a extremely high IQ and was a 3rd degree black belt in karate. . my brother and I went to school like any normal kid would but my brother became the school bully while I became a target for other kids to humiliate and tease and make fun of. None of those kids new for years that while they were doing that my brother and I were being yelled at beaten and even molested by our own mom, the person that was suppose to protect us from harm and keep us healthy, one person did know my half brothers grammar who would take my brother on the weekends to go to church or to get out of that house, the weekends were some of the worst days of my life and I will not say what happens during those days chase there would be to many triggers for people to be able to get through this. Anyways my brothers grammar started fighting for me in court to have me on the weekends, so the cops were called on a bunch of different occasions by my grammar to try and get me and my brother out of that situation. But what really happens was the cops got so sick of being called by here that they told my brothers grammar that she needed to not interfere with the mother/son relationship (the cops even came in and took pictures of all the rooms with the black mold and still told grammar this) see my mother was dating one if the top judges in that state at the time so she had the cops playing and dancing around her finger and there was nothing that anybody could do, until the last day of court when the grand mother won because the mother didn't show because she was to worried about how (loose) she may be down there and instead went and got surgery, grand mother swore it was like god said enough is enough and game he an opening, well frombthat day on my brother and I went to church on weekends, it may seem to be getting better but at this stage in life Ifrom ages 6 - 10 it was weekdays at home getting beaten raped or yelled at while going to school and getting teased bullied and humiliated and on weeks going to grammar and going to church, I was confused all the time nothing made sense. Well at the age 10 my mom decided to pack up and move not to my brothers ggrammas place but to my grammas place which was 4-5 states aaway. When we moved a lot of people finally realized what was going on, like a blanket was lifted up off there eyes,and it went into the news paper 2 children went missing today they went to so and so school and lived on so and so street, well apparently judges, cops, and even therapists either quite their jobs committed suicide or tried to reimprove and relearn psychology, apparently when my brother and I dissapear from that state sphycology and mental health became huge in that state and programs and insatutions started coming around in a big way, anyways now my brother my mom and I after my grammar were moving from state to state for the next four years, abuse of all kinds were going on this entire time but now when we finally hit a certain point my mom started hanging around buffers and druggies well yes you can guess it mom wanted drugs we became payment for up to a certain amount of times, it was no longer just our mom there were random people now, just so you know at this point in my life my Brian shut down to protect its self and from that point forward I now only have fragments of memory from ages 14 and younger. So we moved around some more until we found uorselfs back iinthe town we started at staying in a hotel, well one day I got my self 5 dollars in quarters and drank 5 dollars in soda at the vending machine in front of the hotel ooffice ( you have to understand our mom didn't feed us, I was stealing from stores gas stations and even out of dumpsters to feed my brother and I) well the next day my mom wanted to hit my brother for something I don't remember, what I do remember was I was getting sick of it. So my brother is in the bathroom pushed up against the door I'm on the otherside of the door so she can't get in and she became so angry she couldnt get to my brother that she took out every frustration she had on me that day, that was the most painful day I had ever gone through, I thought to my self at that time today was the day I was gonna die. Well after she beat me she then took all of her sexually frustrations out on me that day, now not was it the most painful but also the most confusing day as well. Well a few hours after that the police came banging down the door and pulled us out of there, then we got put into foster care and that is how we got out of the abuse our mom put use through. I am now 32 that ended when I was 14, I have gone to a lot of therapy, have done a lot of thinking and contemplating aan when I finally learned that mom was as sick as she was I no longer blamed her or myself cause I revised she couldn't help it with how sick she really was, I have tried to get her help and I have even tried to forgive her, I no longer hold that hate and am even at peace with myself, but I do still have the occasional nightmares and daymares and I am Asexual and I do have bad mental thought episodes that happen but I have done everything I can to get past this, I now live in a non aggressive, non threatening non stressed community house and even play tabletop RPG and video games with friends that are supportive and I am in a happy place in my life. Thank you for listening to this, I have never fully talked about this before and it seemed a good and perfectly logical place to do it
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