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racchael97
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts4 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2016 Member sinceMarch 3, 2016
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Anxiety Support / by racchael97
Last post
 March 14th, 2016
...See more hello everyone. to start, i think it is important to know that i have struggled with anxiety my whole life. it has manifested itself in a ton of different ways, such as trichotilamania and bulimia. but now its threatening something that really makes me happy. my mind has a terrible way of only focusing on the negative aspects in my life. i cant control it very much. i have always been a fighter so i do my best to push those feelings away but recently theyve been effecting one of the only parts of my life that makes me truely happy..here's whats happening...so for the past 6 or so months i have been living away at school. the transition for me has been very hard, mostly due to being away from my boyfriend. he and i have always had a really close relationship, basically best friends, and not seeing him everyday started causing me horrible axiety and panic attacks taht ultimatley lead to depression. recently i have had uncontrolable anxiety about my relationship with him. its completely irrational and quite honestly makes me mad to even talk about. here's basically what goes down... Ill text him and almost immediatly become overwhelemed with fear that he will not respond. jumping to conclussions such as "he is probably mad at me" or "he isnt responding because he wants to break up". being away from him makes me feel like i have no control over anything and the fear of the hurt that would come with losing him is debilitating. after months of this irrational fear (keep in mind he has never given me one reason to think our relationship is on the rocks; we are very much in love) i started to feel like i wanted to call things off or maybe just push him away. everytime the conversation with him went normally i ended up resenting myself more and more and feeling like i was crazy. then the negative self talk started in and i slowly became more and more unhappy. it makes me horribly sad that i have been feeling this way about him, and about us. i know underneath all of these feelings is so much love and apreciation for him but all of the constant worrying about our relationship changed the way i look at him. i think i wanted him gone because im ashamed of all the anxiety i felt if he didnt answer me right away. i feel so lost and afraid. i dont want to push him away because i know its not his fault and i love him still, so much. he hasnt done anything wrong. and i know id regret leaving him. i really just dont want to lose him. he is serriously my best friend and i belive truely that he is my soul mate. this isnt all that my anxiety is formed arround but this is how it manifests itself the most. anyone experience anything similar? any advice?
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