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raspberryCat4259
1 55 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts7 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2022 Member sinceAugust 5, 2022
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I feel like I'm falling back into it
Eating Disorder Support / by raspberryCat4259
Last post
 August 6th, 2022
...See more I've had an eating disorder since I was 13 I'm 26 now I have a pretty long trauma history that involves commercial sexual abuse as well as homelessness and right now I feel like I'm falling back into an eating disorder slowly I'm kind of at the Crux of a decision I'm trying to make maybe one of you can help so currently I'm living on my family's farm and my dad is offered me 800 square foot house for $60,000 comes with an acre of land the only stipulation is that I can't sell it to anyone but family the catch is I have to fix it and there's a lot to fix which I don't mind even though it's filled with mold the problem is my stepmom is super entitled and consistently leeches me of money left and right because I'm the only one in the family besides my dad with a job this month I've paid about $1,800 only about 300 in rent and every waking moment of the past 3 weeks has been filled with me fixing their house because someone not me left a container open and stuff got moldy unfortunately I'm the only person who's resistant to mold I work night shift and I drive an hour to work and an hour back and she has no regard for my sleep schedule this week I've stayed up and worked for 26 hours straight slept for 3 hours and then worked for another 20 I eat one meal a day that the kids meal and I'm 6 ft tall if I do everything right and put up with this in 5 years after everything's paid off I'll have a passive income of about 16,000 a year coming in at any time or I can go get an apartment for 7:20 a month 2 mi from work instead of 40 miles from work which I'm currently driving the upside is I get independence and and a sense of control which would probably help with eating the downside is that I'm wasting money and I probably won't have a family anymore which means a lot to me because the other side of my family I've already cut ties with because they're terrible and also ever since I've been homeless I can't stand giving up it's not in my nature I want to be able to do this but I don't know if I can and if I do I don't know what kind of person I'll be at the end of it the harder I push myself the more stubborn I am and the more like a cornered animal I feel but at the same time the more impossible things I'm capable of I'm a survivor I will survive I will thrive in harshest climate but Im worried about who I'll b when it's all over
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