Im a mum of 4, 3 living with me. During my life so far I have had nothing but sadness, loss, pain, greif, anger and heart ache. I am not suicidal, in fact I have done a suicide prevention course to help others, and my nature is a carer also by trade. My psychologist thinks im amazing and doesnt know how im still here, not he that he says I shouldnt be! He just admires my strengths..... but thats my issue... im not strong, even though im told I am. I hold on for my children and grand children. I truly feel my life was a mistake and I feel like im being punished every day for being here. Im not pessimistic, just realistic. I have had everything you can imagine happen, happen to me. (Other than being physically abused, lived through a natural disaster, war or some sort of torcher.) Yes there are people in situations far greater worse off than me, and this is what keeps me grounded.