Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
Feel better with online therapy Professional, confidential and affordable. Start today
rationalDrum2319
1 508 M Embraced 4
PathStep 3 Compassion hearts12 Forum posts5 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2021 Member sinceDecember 9, 2016
Bio
Recent forum posts
rationalDrum2319 profile picture
At a crossroads
Relationship Stress / by rationalDrum2319
Last post
 May 8th, 2021
...See more I’ve been in a long distance relationship for 2 1/2 years with my boyfriend. We are both 27 turning 28 next month. I met him through my cousin and it first started off as a friendship which blossomed. I travelled back and forth a couple times in our first year and we made it work. A year in, I asked him how long he could go long distance for and he said 4. I thought it was too long! As a woman, I always liked to settle down by 28/29 so I ideally wanted to be apart for at least two years! I told him and he said that by 30/31, he would have had his finances and life together. I understood that as a man he wanted to get his life together but when is there ever a right time? I wasn’t sure if I could wait until 30/31 for him to decide to marry me so I told him maybe we didn’t want the same things. As much as it hurt, I always said I wouldn’t compromise on these things but after a few conversations (with his mum and sister), he realised that was too long and promised that we can revisit the conversation by the second year. He planned to do his masters abroad within this period as a result but covid pushed him into deferring his place. On my recent trip to see him last December, we spent loads of time together, I met his family and things were looking up. We started to talk about marriage and the future and aimed for things to come together by 2022. A few weeks ago, he told me that he applied for a two year masters programme instead. It’s what he really wanted so I supported him (hoping) he would discuss how this weaves into our future plans. I didn’t hear a thing. He was probably waiting for things to be final. Now they are, he still hasn’t said anything and it seems like he’s more focused on his future. It sort of feels like he’s no longer thinking about what that will mean for us and he rarely talks about our future anyway. Every time I want to bring the conversation up, I always feel like I’m pressuring him into marrying me or making a decision which is not fair. I don’t want to ever feel like I’m cornering someone to do something. It would be nice to see him take active steps into planning for our future. I’m at a point now where I’m not sure if I’ll be able to wait another two years to marry and be together. I understand he has his personal goals and I’m happy for him so I’m considering just letting this relationship go. I love him but I’m starting to become more anxious and insecure about whether he loves me or if he even wants a future with me. I’m not getting any younger and I don’t think I can stick around. The fact that he hasn’t given me any assurance knowing how I feel about us, is what makes me feel like he is really focusing on himself for now. A part of this hurts because I’ve planned my life just so we can be together (including taking a career break to establish a life in his country and spend time with him). I’m just a bit confused because I will be seeing him next month and I’m tired of bringing up the future conversation again. It seems like he’s avoiding the discussion and that’s not fair. Should I just break up with him so he can live his life with no pressure and I can move on and find someone who’s willing to settle down or should I hold it out?
Search more from @rationalDrum2319
Talk to an expert therapist
I'm getting really great feedback about my concerns and validation of my...
Reviewed Aug 21, 2026
Talk to Denise Now
Badges & Awards
10 total badges
Hand Shake Linked Chief Chat Honest Voice First Post Reaching out First Compassion Teammate Forum Friend Strong Bond I
Report an issue
Considering therapy? Talk to a licensed therapist, wherever you are. Get started
Feel better with online therapy Professional, confidential and affordable. Start today