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redYard5846
4,089 M Seeking Light 4
PathStep 17 Compassion hearts63 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes7 Current upvotes7 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2022 Member sinceMay 16, 2020
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should i be worried or am i just overreacting?
Relationship Stress / by redYard5846
Last post
 January 17th, 2022
...See more It really bothered me when I saw my boyfriend like my pretty best friend’s instagram post. It wasn’t a bikini pic, but she looked pretty there, I mean she is naturally a beautiful girl. The type of beauty that all people would agree that she is beautiful. The thing is, my bf used to like my best friend when they were in high school because they go to the same school. They weren’t close or talked before, but my boyfriend used to like her because she’s an effortlessly pretty girl and I remembered he said he would’ve pursued her if he wasn’t timid back then. I don’t understand myself, why I am bothered by the thought that he liked her picture. Maybe because he used to like her? Maybe because I am insecure of my friend because I feel like she is prettier than me and my boyfriend probably finds her more physically attractive than me even if I’m his girlfriend? Also, my boyfriend told me before that he only likes pictures of females that are his friends or celebrities. And that was totally okay for me. But my best friend is certainly not his friend (cuz they never had a friendship or are close with each other even if they attended the same school before). I know I can’t control his attraction because we are human beings, it’s normal to find others attractive, but it hurts me so bad that he probably finds my best friend attractive which is also the same girl I am insecure about. I feel like I am not enough, and I will never be as beautiful as her. I feel jealous that my boyfriend finds her attractive and will still find her attractive no matter what, his eyes will still look at her. I probably sound insecure and a next level overthinker in this post huhuhu. But should I be bothered that he likes her instagram post? It probably doesn’t mean anything, right? And I am just being insecure and overly sensitive about this?
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he used to be clingy but not anymore
Relationship Stress / by redYard5846
Last post
 January 15th, 2022
...See more before, my boyfriend used to be sweet and clingy with me. and it was rlly cute. when i want to study (im in college), he would want to video call bcuz he said he wanted to see me doing my own thing and it makes him happy. he always compliments me that im pretty, i look like a goddess, etc. every time he sees my pics. he was clingy in a cute way that made me feel so valued. but one year and three months into our relationship, he slowly stopped being like this. and the tables turned, i was the one who became clingy and it wasn’t even healthy. i became jealous, controlling, and highly sensitive to what he does. i miss how he used to be. he rarely gives compliments to me anymore. he is even more into posting about his celebrity crushes that he is attracted to. and i have to tell him he’s not being sweet to me anymore, for him to compliment my photos or reply to my sweet messages. and nowadays he is really busy with his own personal life to the point he cannot reply straight to me. i cant figure out if this is just: * a phase that couples go through, like fighting constantly after the honeymoon phase * he’s losing interest in me or he’s not as in love with me than he used to * i’m just insecure, and i ruined everything bcuz of that. and now his treatment towards me changed is this normal? i really want us to work out. i really miss his sweetness before. will he still ever be as sweet as before? this is my first relationship, and idk if im doing it right or we’re doing it right.
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Healthy Communication Tips
Relationship Stress / by redYard5846
Last post
 January 12th, 2022
...See more My boyfriend and I have been fighting almost everyday for the past two months. I think our healthy communication is gone because whenever I try to discuss the problem, he doesn’t want to. He just wants to apologize and move forward. Like he really doesn’t want to spend a lot of time talking about the problems. He gets irritated if I try to discuss it, which then leads up to another fight and we get defensive. So these past few days, I’ve been troubled wanting to apologize and explain my side to him. But I already know it won’t end well. So I just avoid bringing it up and distract myself from negativity. But in all honesty, I really want us to have healthy communication again. I wish whenever I bring up something bothering me, he could comfort me instead of getting defensive or avoidant of a problem.
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Insecurities
Relationship Stress / by redYard5846
Last post
 January 11th, 2022
...See more I feel like I am ruining my relationship because of my insecurities. I am insecure especially of my appearance. I always have to ask my boyfriend for reassurance that he is still physically attracted to me. And I have been doing this excessively to the point it irritates him. And I don’t blame him, it really is annoying. But I can’t help it. But recently we have been having a lot of fights. Since November, he flew to another city (his second home) with his family because his mother was gonna get treatments and surgery at a big hospital there. It was a hard time for him because he loves his mother so much and he can’t bear losing her. I made sure to always support him even if we were long distance. I don’t know what happened. Maybe he was just going through a tough time? Idk. But he started to hide small things from me. Like when I wanted to spend time with him, he would say he was tired and sleepy. And then I would catch him hanging out with his friends. Ofc, that hurt me a lot. Because why would he hide something as small as that? It was okay for me that he spends time with his friends as long as he doesn’t lie to me like say he’s sleeping and then I’d find out he really wasn’t. It did not even happened once. He explained his side to me and said he was having a feeling down lately and playing video games with his friends helps him. He didn’t wanna tell me he wasn’t sleeping at all because he didn’t want me to worry about him because he has trouble sleeping a lot lately. I understand him but I felt hurt ofc that he hid it from me, plus I got insecure and felt like he found comfort in his friends more than I. Ever since those events, I don’t know what happened to me. We were still long distance, as he was still in another city to support his ill mother’s treatments. But I become more insecure. I became controlling, needy, easily jealous, I tend to pick fights with him because I easily overthink and get upset about anything he does. Our fights would happen almost everyday. It would lead up to the point that he cursed at me for the first time. And sometimes in our fights, he tends to verbally abuse me like call me dumb, the f word, etc. And it hurt me even more. He also started to sleep problems off instead of talking about them. Then I tend to spam him messages or call him a lot just for us to talk, something I never have done before in our relationship. I would chase after him, and beg him to talk to me and comfort me. But it never works. I always have trouble sleeping because I was overthinking a lot, I also have trouble eating. I got depressed due to my relationship problems. We would get okay from our fights. But the next thing you know, I get sensitive again by what he does. Like if he interacts with a girl best friend, he goes out with his friends, when he replies late. This wasn’t me before. But I don’t know what happened. I always overthink if he is still attracted to me. If he goes to a bar with his friends, I overthink that he finds other women attractive and forgets about me. All my thoughts were becoming too much and irrational. I was becoming distrustful towards my boyfriend, even if he does not give me a reason to doubt him. I made a promise to him that I won’t expect him to be there for me when he is at the city where his mom was getting treated because he was busy taking care of her and living his own life as well. But I keep breaking that promise. I always understood his enjoyment of his own life or being busy as a sign that he is losing interest in me. Or that he finds more comfort in his friends than me. I am aware that we have lives outside of our relationship. But I can’t help but have these irrational overthinking thoughts. I am struggling to live independently with my own life because now I’m more focused on his. I tend to get anxious about what he is doing. It’s really unhealthy. I have trouble eating and sleeping, and doing my usual things as a unique person. He even recently removed my access to his social medias because I snooped and got offended by a joke he made with his boy friends. And we fought about it. He joked that it was a good thing that there was a rule of social distancing in the bar otherwise he would go near the celebrities he saw there. But he told his friends that it was a joke, they shouldn’t take what he said seriously because he loves his girlfriend. But my irrational mind chose to focus on the joke, instead of the fact he took it back and said he loved me. I was totally out of line. I am aware of that. And I am not proud of it. I am ashamed of it. When I calm down after throwing assumptions at him, I really get embarrassed for acting that way. I want to change so badly. Because I am aware I was never like this before. I was more confident before in my relationship even if I was insecure, and I knew what to do with my separate life outside my boyfriend. I was also more trusting in him before. And I am aware that my toxic traits are suffocating him and possibly ruining our relationship. It is so hard to break off of this pattern. It has been three months, and I just want our relationship to be the way it was before. I am scared he is gonna break up with me because I’ve been like this lately. That is all.
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I feel like I am ruining my relationship
Relationship Stress / by redYard5846
Last post
 January 11th, 2022
...See more The past few weeks, me and my boyfriend have been fighting a lot. And most of them has to do with me being so sensitive and jealous. I tend to pick a fight with him when I feel uncomfortable about something he does, or make assumptions. When I get anxious, I tend to throw things at him out of frustration. Sometimes I don’t know if I’m just sensitive or he’s insensitive. But last night he said he’s getting tired of our fights and he feels like every little thing about him is wrong for me. I don’t feel like every little thing is wrong with him, for me I am just voicing out what’s uncomfortable for me that he does. But I guess I really am becoming totally out of line. I acknowledge that I am becoming controlling, needy, doubtful, and sensitive. And I do wanna change that. But it’s so hard. I feel like I am destroying my relationship because of my toxic traits. I am scared of losing him. I don’t want him to think that I will forever be this person. I wasn’t like this for a year of our relationship, this pattern just started last November.
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