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reliableHemlock3887
289 M Embraced 2
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts18 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2023 Member sinceJanuary 19, 2020
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Divorcing due to alcohol abuse - recognizing and breaking the trauma bond
Relationship Stress / by reliableHemlock3887
Last post
 November 17th, 2023
...See more I'm 35 years old and staring down the barrel of a second divorce and feeling pretty hopeless. My current husband is an alcoholic, formerly recovered but currently very much back to full blown active. I found out recently that he was abusing alcohol behind my back - the truth of which came out when I left him at home for four days for a loved one's funeral back in August. I came home to the results of his bender and him being reduced to a walking zombie. I grabbed what I could carry and fled to my mother's house after making arrangements to have someone there with him who knew better about how to even handle the situation; after some pleading and promises from him to get help I reluctantly went back, but never felt safe after that. I discovered a few weeks ago after yet another trip out of town that he went on another bender - this time he wasn't as obvious about it but left some bottles visible in our trash can and I noticed immediately when I got home and went to take out the trash. He denied it and the argument spiraled into him stealing my car to go get vodka while he was supposed to be at work. Since then there has been a cycle of verbal abuse, pleading, guilt tripping, more abuse, and so on until I finally blew up at him yesterday evening (which earned me a label of "crazy"... big surprise there) and blocked him. I'm back at my mother's house, trying to figure out where to even begin with paperwork, apartment hunting, updating my information, and starting over for the second time in my life.  I can't help but feel completely hopeless and duped and like the biggest fool on the planet. Seeing his true colors come out in these recent months after his secret came out was some of the most raw and devastating moments of my life. I know I'll heal from this eventually, but I just wish I had some better way to pass the time besides moping and feeling destroyed and paralyzed by everything that's ahead of me because of someone else's decision to throw it all away. I understand that his addiction has nothing to do with me at its core; but his actions the past few months have made me live in a perpetual state of fear and anxiety. This unfortunately has not been our first round over his addiction, and I've lost any hope of him actually taking responsibility and doing the work to get better and I'm tired of walking on eggshells in constant fear that he'll drink if I do something wrong.  Hoping someone else can relate and give me some advice on how to survive the next few months with at least a small scrap of my sanity. 
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