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my elderly mother living abroad is getting a neurosurgical operation and I can't figure out why

Family & Caregivers / by reliableWest8997

November 4th, 2023

I am confused about my life

35 & Over Community / by reliableWest8997

October 24th, 2023

...See more Hello, I was not sure where to insert this, and I really hope this won't be too long and that someone will stick around to read this. Also, I hope to be able to convey everything I want to say in a way that is accurate and somewhat objective, but I do feel it's a bit hard to be. So, about me, I am here writing because I am a middle-age (mid 40's) woman who is actually young-looking, I do not have kids and I live alone, not that it matters greatly, but just to give you some context. I am also self-employed and I work in an industry that I chose and the reason I do this work is that I thought it would allow me to be flexible and travel. I did this mostly thinking that I would be able to travel and go see my family more often than I did, and in the end got kind of stuck with what I am doing for a long time. I don't regret what I did with my work, I went through a lot of hard times, but I learned so much, and I think I sometimes forget how far I have come and how much I have learned. I do not want to take that knowledge for granted, and my main goal, if I could would be to help others through the work I do. Lately I have been feeling like I am not sure I am really doing it, but, in retrospect, I just think I am going through some personal changes that make me feel this way. I am a bit confused because I have been really questioning what I am doing with my work, and now that scares me. I always thought I would be able to one day move abroad, but for reasons I cannot really get into, that's not going to happen now. I can't for various reasons, and I have to wait until I will be a lot older. Now, the trick is, I am trying to live my life as best as possible where I am now, and I feel like I am not sure I am achieving my goals. More specifically I also got involved with someone in the last two years or about one year after the pandemic started. There were a lot of ups and downs in that relationship, and I felt like it's not really a relationship I wanted to be in or that I chose. I know that sounds odd, but at the time, I thought that by telling this person that they would understand, that they would see that maybe I was not comfortable or that it wasn't something I wanted. I was too "weak" to say no and go away completely. I tried multiple times to put up my boundaries and it didn't really work. I tried to assert myself and it didn't work. Whenever I tried to verbalize something upsetting to me, the person in question wouldn't really acknowledge it; they would ignore it and me and instead of talking with me, they would shut down and not talk. I really never understood why and was left wondering if they didn't really care enough, didn't know what to say or do, or if they were feeling bad about what they did and knew what they did but didn't want to acknowledge it. Actually, whenever I would bring something up, eventually they would turn it around on me. At first this hurt me and made me feel like they weren't in it for the right reasons, that they really didn't care to understand how I felt and the reasons why. Now, I am not normally someone to go around being rude and mean, but when someone steps over my boundaries, I am not the type of person to not say anything about it. So I did. However, it was never enough and this person would come back. They knew they were wrong in some way, then they apologized over and over. I get the feeling however that this person has no clue. Now I am here wondering what to do with my work life and this situation. I feel like I am losing track of what is or should be really important. I am sorry if this sounds selfish, I know at this point that I am the only person that really matters. Regardless of what this person said or did or says or "does", I know that I have to try keep living my life as best as possible and achieving my goals. I was not looking for a relationship when this happened. I was a bit lonely so I was vulnerable; and they knew this and know. I try to talk and communicated but I felt like it fell on deaf ears. I could have been talking to a wall for the most part it seemed. I know they put some effort into making some changes however; I also feel like maybe they knew I would take them back eventually and they knew how I felt hurt by them and vulnerable. I knew this contributed in them probably making them feel that I would take them back if they tried; also the close proximity to me didn't really help as it made it really easy for them to "be in my area" since and the fact that there was a high probability of bumping into them due to some social functions, regardless of the fact of whether they knew I was going or not. In any case, they came back without me doing anything, without me necessarily inviting them to. So, I am wondering, do you have any advice for me? I am not sure what to do from here, what to focus on. I think that I should pay more attention to my immediate goals, what would make me happy. But what do I do if I don't know what they are? Why am I so confused

I am at a loss - I am confused about my "relationship"?

Relationship Stress / by reliableWest8997

August 26th, 2023

...See more Hi, I feel really inadequate when I post here, I know a lot of people do but I feel self-conscious about it. I am not that young, I am a female in my 40's and I feel embarrassed. I know I should probably get therapy, but I always feel like I do not need it. However, currently, the way things have been or are going is that I am confused. I have been trying to live my life in alignment with my values as much as possible, but I find it so hard to remain true to myself and I also at times feel like I don't want to be alone or lonely; I have been living alone for my whole life except for when I was with my original family while growing up, and a few roommates. I am mostly ok dealing with things on my own or living alone, however, it's hard for me to ignore my ex boyfriend because he lives in the same town and area I live in. I recently decided to talk to him again, so I just reopened things up, even though he is away now for work for a few weeks. I guess I could be hard on myself and say that I should have never allowed this contact to happen again, but I don't feel like doing that. I am truly in a position where I wish I could be closer to my original family, but I am not able to leave where I am now due to things outside of my control. I have looked into some options over the years to see if I could remedy the situation or leave, I also mentioned it to my family directly, but it's currently impossible, and was not possible to leave and I have to live far from my family. So, the only solution I see right now is to try living my life in the present; I also started working on my own years ago, and not working in an office seemed to have made my life easier. I currently keep in touch with family via the internet, and when possible via phone. I have had to go visit them a few times in person. It's always heartbreaking because I cannot stay there, and I have to leave. I am finally accepting this circumstance, and I know this is the situation which I cannot change. The only issue I am having is that I sometimes suffer from anxiety and depression and I feel like I am not completely content where I am, despite me trying to be. I sometimes feel like I am trapped and don't have options, but this is completely false. I know that I still have options, and that I should not give up on whatever dreams I can make come true. I unfortunately cannot achieve the dream that I originally wanted which was to leave, but maybe it just looks better, and easier to idealize something than see it for what it really is or would have been. In any case I have to stop thinking about it. I also thought that I may have already achieved a lot of my dreams, and for some time I was ok with the way things were going. Still, that doesn’t mean I stop wanting to learn more or explore. Where I am now, it seems like my ex cannot let go of me, and aside from telling him how I feel, I hate to blame it all on him, but I feel powerless. It’s not the physical attraction but the personality. I am concerned that he is latching onto me for the wrong reasons. I can see why he would like me or be attracted but I just think it’s for the wrong reasons (him wanting to be in a relationship badly, him not exploring other options aside from me, him not really wanting to put the effort into meeting new people). Over the years, I have changed and I am no longer that person who believed I had to find a mate to be happy; I have accepted that the traditional idea of family is not something that happens for everyone, and I just thought that was my destiny, to find happiness in other life goals. Now, my ex is still coming on strong. I do not really want to push him away, and I figure that if I allow it to happen it’s my fault. I had other opportunities to look into dating others in the past, and I failed to do so. I failed to go online, on the apps, going to events and meeting people especially since end of 2019 and the start of the pandemic; I isolated myself whether intentionally or not. I did not feel I was adequate or at the right point in life to meet someone, when I tried in previous years, I felt that people were judging me based on my job. My ex or current bf seems to accept me for who I am. I feel safe to be myself to some extent. He is not my ideal match, and doesn’t really give me everything or cannot give me everything or have everything I would like in a partner (he is a bit clingy, he is traditional and we have differing opinions and attitudes, and as far as personality, I do believe we are actually opposites), but I am wondering if I should try. Should I still try, or would I only be hurting myself and him in the process? I am more of an introvert, someone who learned to take time to judge people and situations, and I used to be impulsive and prone to addictions and some minor forms of “ocd” if you will or some ocd or obsessive thinking. He is much more impulsive, he is loud, and somewhat “extroverted”, not very shy and not quiet like me. He’s generous with his money and time, and for the most part tries to please me and accommodate within his limits. We have some similarities, but let’s just say that I can see myself where I was many years ago and have grown out of it, whereas he remained a little immature and seems to have the traits that I once also had. The other thing I wanted to mention is, he is intelligent, he is not highly educated, and I feel I get along better with those with whom I can have a somewhat more intellectual conversation. When I was growing up I thought that meant those people would be more stuck up or arrogant but it turns out that it’s much easier to have a conversation with someone who completed a higher education for me. I just get along with them better, they seem much more open-minded or at least easy to talk with, though that does not mean they are better people, just that the communication and goal-attainment in terms of needs is much better. Also, he is from a different culture, and his idea of boundaries is not what it is in other cultures, but I don’t know if that should be used as an excuse, but I do feel this greatly affects some of his behaviors. The communication is not great, and I am not sure if I should try to distance myself as I have before. I just turned 45, and I know this will probably sound selfish but I am really really tired of being alone. It has nothing to do with being independent, as I know I am completely capable of being on my own, but given the choice between being continually single and with someone, I would rather be with someone.

I never wanted a relationship with him-he crossed my boundaries, and then he ruined everything

Relationship Stress / by reliableWest8997

April 9th, 2023

...See more Hi, I have an ex boyfriend who recently tried contacting me again as I temporarily unblocked him from sending me messages. I posted about him some time ago, and even talking about it now makes me feel sick because I feel that I deserve better than this and I don't know how I fell for his games, but he played me, and I thought he was being honest at one point. I knew there was a possibility he was not serious, and I distanced myself from him, but then I went back again and this is when the last time, it did damage to me. I was trying so hard to avoid it. He crossed my boundaries from the very start and this is why it never worked. I just wanted to be his friend and he did not respect that. He tried to convince me to go out with him on a date after I told him I didn't want to. We are both adults. So I went out with him but I had told him from the start I would only go on one date with him. We had a little flirting and he had been pursuing me for some time, and eventually we did some things alone in private... I felt like for some reason I could not say no to him even after I told him I wasn't interested. I was very clear about it but he chose to ignore it. I really thought he would back off and respect my wishes but he didn't. So I went out with him and I still could not make myself feel anything for him and I felt horrible after the date, and trapped. I told him I did not want to go out with him or see him anymore. I thought that was that but since we live in the same town I saw him again and it did not really end there. The thing is because I was not looking for anything with him or anyone, he made it seem like he really wanted a relationship with me and what ended up happening is that he ended up using me for sex. Even though it didn't feel like that at the time as he would say he was in love with me. He made it sound like there was no one else and also that he did not want to see other people or ruin what we have. He also would repeatedly say he did not want to ghost me. I don't know why he would even mention that, but that's exactly what ended up happening because I was so unhappy also, and he did ghost me for days at a time and not get back to me when I tried contacting him and was unhappy about something he did or said To make a long story short, the last time we tried again, I ended up getting more attached to him, and he really hurt me. He started flirting with another woman who is in his circle and which I always felt a little unsure about and sort of "threatened" by but in reality I have nothing to feel threatened about. It does not seem like she is interested in him that way, but I am sure if he had had the chance he would have. Now I feel that after being with me he feels more emboldened and like I gave him the courage and ego to go and pusue her since I ended up giving him everything he wanted, and I eventually told him I loved him. Well, he knew how I feel about this and he still hurt my feelings, and then he turned into someone completely different that I did not recognize. I realized he really must have been lying to me or bluffing the entire time. In the beginning, he alluded to booty call or fwb when he knew this is not what I wanted with him. I feel like after this he just fed me lines to get me to do what he wanted and I fell for it. I told him I could find a fwb if I wanted to and he took offense to that. But he really shoulnd't have because what this means is that I didn't want that with him or anyone potentially, and that if we were to continue with the sex, I wanted a relationship and not fwb because I was not interested in him that way and not sexually attracted to him at first. Well, he said he wanted a relationship but he never had the time because of his schedule, and then he didn't call or text me when he said he would and he ended up keeping me hanging. Then he started flirting with this woman. Also I noticed he would call me late at night, and then he made no effort to plan anything interesting for us aside from taking me out to dinner a couple times and he almost canceled after he had already invited me for a holiday. He even kept me hanging and didn't answer my calls or texts on the day of. I had to beg him or convince him since we had already scheduled. After this his efforts were even less ! He also never took the time to get to know me. On our date he never asked questions about me or my life to find out what my goals were or to get to know my likes or dislikes or anything. He also never took interest in my background which is quite unique and which normally other people find very interesting about where I am from, another culture and language. The relationship soon turned into something completely meaningless! So, I cut off contact with him after about 2.5 months. Then, I felt bad and reached out to him after about 3 months because I was concerned about his status in the military and thought he might have left due to the war but it turns out this was unlikely, and the whole thing started over again. Needless to say it never went anywhere, the problems we had were still there, and nothing changed! Now again recently, he is now flirting with that woman publicly on her profile. He knows that this is something that bothered me when we were together. The other thing is that everyone in that circle knows him and her, they also knew he was kind of involved with me but the thing is, I never went to his events, and he never invited me to go there to where his friends are and this woman who is the bartender. He would show up drunk and he also has or had a drinking issue which it took me a while to realize this as I didn't know this at first. Why would he ruin what we have and embarass himself like this in front of everyone? By flirting online with this other woman who seems out of his league and as am I? The question is, why would he do this now that the relationship is over. He is such a mean and cruel person that he said to me that he was trying to play mind games with me at some point. I am starting to wonder is this what he is doing? Or he really does not care about me? Why on earth would he do this? So, he is just trying to use me again? If he was really interested in her why not contact her directly or in private instead of doing this publicly like this in front of everyone?

he lied to me, he's not a nice person

Relationship Stress / by reliableWest8997

January 9th, 2023

...See more hi all I honestly did not want to have to do this, especially since it's a new year. I don't want to focus on things that already happened, and from the past. But it's pretty recent, and I don't know who else to talk to aside from calling a line or going in the chat rooms. I had been complaining about this for some time, so I am going to try to keep this short, if possible. It's a bit weird because I am old enough to know that I deserve so much more I guess from someone than what has been happening, and I am trying to be fair and see where my fault lied in the whole thing, but what it boils down to is that: -about two years ago this guy was at an outdoor event. I happened to be standing in front of him, it was not deliberate; he started talking to me, and I didn't want to ignore him as I was talking to other people, and why wouldn’t I? I didn't really have a reason at that point. He was intoxicated and I was trying to do my best to be gracious. I had absolutely no physical attraction to him or psychological/mental at that point. I acted normally and didn't do anything abnormal. I left the event, and guess what, he somehow found me on ***. He started messagging me privately, commenting on pics, liking pics publicly; this went on for an entire year, somewhat at the start and then later on, mostly without any response from me. I ignored all of that, I did respond as he would write a comment, how are you etc. but I only responded or waved maybe twice back at him because I felt bad, and I also thought it would be rude to ignore him all the time, and why not, it was just social media. He also at some point messaged me that there would be an event again, asked me if I would go and then when I didn’t respond I later got a message that he bought me tickets to go. He messaged me his phone number, to call him. I never did. Anyway, after about a year of being home alone I had had enough. In 2021 he sent me other messages for the new year. I was at home alone for months, and at that point I decided to respond to him. I figured what's the harm, what is he going to do. However, I already noticed how inconsiderate he was just because he kept messagging me over and over, although I never responded to him, both at night in the morning, asking how my day was etc. and we were not even friends, a very long overly romantic message about the way I looked and my personality again which now I think was all BS. I bumped into him by chance in my area as he was working outside in the Spring. I knew this was a little weird, and I thought it would have been nice if he really did like me that way the way he said in his message like with all that passion...or interest. I kind of thought maybe he fell in love at first sight… But I also thought that maybe he was just looking for an easy way to get involved with me so I wasn’t sure. Well, some time in 2021, I bumped into him more than once, and both in person and online, he kept asking me out, and I kept saying no. I was actually involved with someone else briefly in the Summer... in September 2021 I was at an outdoor event, ceremony, and he was there. He came up to me again, very pushy. I tried my best to mind my own business but then he walked up to me. I was sad as it was a ceremony. Anyway, I felt sad and lonely, and decided I wanted to be around other people, and I needed a friend or friends. I decided to go out with him as a friend. I know this was a mistake. I was not comfortable but I was so isolated and alone. I know he didn't see it that way but I actually said to him we could go out as friends and he accepted. Well, it didn't take long, maybe another week before things went from friends to more than that. We got involved on a physical level because it was clear to me that he wanted more, and we were both just hanging out again, and having a little “fun”… which I thought would all be harmless or maybe the start of something, I was trying to go with the flow. I still did not feel very good about everything, not comfortable etc. didn't really know him well enough. I was actually scared of him. I didn't know how to turn him down at that point, but I actually later did, and told him I didn't feel comfortable. I told him I didn't want to see him again after the first date. Unfortunately the situation continued because he lives in my town. He was showing up at the events, calling and texting me after this. I couldn't say no to him because at that point we had already been involved. I wasn't thinking straight from all the weirdness, back and forth and the fact that I had already made my decision but now, I had been involved already. By the time November came around we had already had a few arguments, mainly stemming from the fact that I felt disrespected. He crossed my physical boundaries. I asked him not to touch me, I asked him to please respect my space. Whenever I would see him, he would end up touching me anyway, and I again, I couldn't turn him away because I was so lonely and isolated, and I wanted someone to love me. I know this sounds like an excuse but it's really not. I live alone and work from home, everything was weird during the pandemic and I never went out. My family lives abroad so it was hard to turn away some company. The prior person left a bitter taste in my mouth. So, in March we once again have a fight, prior to that I had been ignoring him for 3 months. At that point, I had created a distance, the reason I felt is I couldn't trust him. He lied to me about drinking because he said he knew it upset me, so he would say he was not drinking or drunk when I asked; I honestly did not know he had a drinking problem, I was just guessing; I also asked him if he had just got out of work and he said yes but that also was a lie so that is why I stopped talking to him for 3 months. I hung up the phone and then he called back saying nasty things in his voicemails. When we had a fight which was all because I was nagging him about these same issues, he actually wouldn't talk to me. I would try reaching out to him and even prior to this, he would do the same thing, and not respond to me and disappear. I had actually asked him in the past to never contact me again on more than one occasion after he would ignore me like this because it upset me so much. This never happened to me with other people. For some reason, he kept trying to contact me if I had blocked him by phone, then he would through social media for example (since I hadn’t yet blocked him there) Instead of talking to me like a normal person, he would wait for 10 days or more to get in touch again, but he put no effort in trying to resolve the issue when it actually did occur (see above). So you can imagine why this would make me angry. I mean, I never wanted to be involved with him as more than a friend, and he ended up crossing my physical boundaries; I had rejected him multiple times, and he still wouldn't take no for an answer, so I uncomfortably still ended up getting involved with him even though I had already basically made my decision. I noticed that whenever we would fight he would go online and flirt with this one very attractive woman who is in his circle and he calls her his friend but I am sure he likes her because he doesn't do this a lot with other women, but he would do this on and off regardless during our time together. I thought this was very disrespectful especially recently due to other things that happened again over the summer. I really didn't like all this game playing and I felt disrespected, so it never worked out. Now, I am trying to move on, and I think that if I hadn't given him the other chances in recent months, I could have moved on before, and not fallen for this. I want to move on, but I get so attached to people, and even if I didn't like him, I ended up developing feelings for him anyway. I got angry that he ignored me, and he ended up hurting my feelings. For a long time I was just angry and didn't care, but recently I started caring and wanted him to care back the way he said he did for months. He said he loved me and was in love with me. I take those words very seriously when someone says them so the first few times I ignored him and figured he didn't really mean them, however he kept saying them to me, he said he wanted a serious relationship with me so I let it slip out a few times that I loved him. I ended up hating myself because he misjudged me, didn't really know me, and did everything possible to sleep with me and be in my physical space, but he made no effort in our relationship to get to know me, to make up for his disrespect, and he ended up being cold, mean and cruel, and recently he seemed to be critical of me. He was mostly never there for me when I needed him, if I asked him for a favor it felt like I was bothering him or that he was too lazy to do anything. He has been over my apartment countless times, and started bringing things here without asking me. At some point we talked about moving in together, he was already talking like he wanted to introduce me to his family right away the first year and which I wasn’t sure about, but then when push comes to shove, he hasn’t done really all that much in terms of actions and never had the time to respond to me, he kept me hanging and not answering my calls, texts for days and didn’t make time for me after we argued or if I was upset and for most of the relationship. He admitted he didn’t put the effort, and also that he took me for granted but he hasn’t done anything to make up for it. He was not honest with me and open, he was very guarded, didn’t really share a lot, I hardly ever knew anything about him, about his day, what he was up to or what he was thinking since he doesn’t open up to me. I just want or wanted a normal relationship, where I am interested in talking, getting to know someone and we are having an equal exchange, and resolving conflict, not running away from it. I am just wondering what did I do wrong, is this my fault for not putting up boundaries? Was I expecting too much from him? Did I cause him to run away? I would get very angry with him to the point that I was very mean and nasty because I felt so disrespected. I tried to tell him why and that I wanted him to treat me like an equal. Instead of talking to me, he would shut down, flirt online with this other woman and take me for granted. Most of all I would like to know how to deal with this, since we live in the same town, I would like to avoid bumping into him, so I don’t know if I feel comfortable going to certain places, but I really want to go out. I have suffered enough and I need to have a social life also. I don’t want to be tiptoeing around, but lines I have talked to have advised me to stay away from him as much as possible or he will try getting “back together” with me.

Single woman with Elderly parents living overseas - I am not sure what to do

Family & Caregivers / by reliableWest8997

June 1st, 2022

...See more As the title says, my elderly parents live overseas. They went back permanently at the end of 2015. Prior to this, I was experimenting, and thought I could always go back at some point. Shortly after, I was dating a man with connections to Europe and we were talking about possibly moving there, but the relationship ended. That was in 2016. After that I remained single because I am self-employed and I don't get to meet that many people; I am also introverted and shy or awkward. I used to not always be this way, but as the years have gone by, it has become harder for me to put myself out there. It's ironic because I started doing this more in 2019, and then in 2020, right before the pandemic, I started thinking about going to Europe for about a month to see if this is someone I could be ok with in the long term. I don't have a financial or work impediment, so that would have been ideal. But the pandemic hit. Now both my parents are old, and it's getting worse and worse, and now they can't do anything. I couldn't go see them as I was not vaccinated due to reactions, and I suggested going when the vaccines were not yet required but my mother did not want me to go as she was concerned about the virus. Now it seems the restrictions are lifting, so this would be my chance. The only problem I have with this is, I have been abroad for so long that I have nothing there for me aside from them. This might sound cruel, but our relationship wasn't always the best also because I left home at 19 and I am now 43. Basically, I am reaching a point in my life where I feel I need to look after myself as well (future retirement, life goals, partner). Now I am thinking of going there, if I stay with them, it will only be a week or two at most. They are almost disabled. I was recently in a relationship with someone which I wasn't really planning and honestly it doesn't seem to be working out as we share different values and other. In the past I have tried figuring out on my own what to do unsuccessfully; I have tried asking hotlines; I have had a bunch of personal issues over the years where I felt I couldn't go to that country nor live with my parents; I felt like I just couldn't do it, and there was also that aspect of wanting to figure things out on my own and being independent of my parents. I had enormous guilt, despite the fact that my parents themselves always traveled for many years, back and forth, changed residences and put me and my sibling through a huge amount of changes while growing up. It wasn't all bad, we learned a lot and had the opportunity to live in two different places, and travel with them at times. In fact, I grew up bilingual. I felt guilt because as they got old in recent years, I wasn't there. I wasn't thinking too far ahead, as I said I was just experiencing, trying to see if I was ok with living alone for a couple years before maybe going back. I thought I would have the time to figure it out before the pandemic hit. Does anyone have any suggestion on what I can do now? I don't know what the solution is. So currently my situation is that I am single, I rent, and do not own an apartment, I have no dependents, I have no ties to anyone so far but I have been living in the same area for a good amount of years, so I do know some people and have got used to it, and I don't dislike living here. I have not allowed myself to get close to anyone again until this recent relationship and I actually would like to improve in that regard. I have sometimes thought of returning there, I speak the language and have citizenship. It should not be hard, except, I know from experience as I already tried that in the past for a few months and I know that being in a different place does not change anything or solve problems. But this is part of my identity so I was thinking of moving there for retirement. Recently I met this person and he made it sound like he was serious as I am 43 and he is 50, but he is not from Europe, so, if I were to for example get involved with someone who cannot really leave the US or have monetary or work issues, then that would actually be a roadblock for me. I would have to be committed to this person who can't leave or doesn't get enough vacation to go abroad for example, at least not with me. Can anyone here honestly give me their opinion. Today I noticed someone online, one of my acquaintances, they got married to a wonderful person and they are both great together. I just feel like my life is passing me by and I don't know what to do about it I also was supposed to go to therapy to address some of my own issues usch as ptsd and other, but I never made it there. I tried a few therapists in the past, and I feel like it's not worth my time and energy; sometimes it did work, I know I am wrong. I am a bit closed-minded in that sense because I come from a different culture also where therapy was not really encouraged. p.s. I will post this, but please don't be surprised if I am not responding back right away. I was going to take some time off this weekend and during the week I am a bit busy. However, I will appreciate any helpful insight you can provide. I just feel like I can't really chat about this, I can't relate to anyone, and I am not sure who to turn to in my real life... Maybe I already have the answers, and it's actually therapeutic for me to write this, it's just that I am tired of facing everything alone, and I have been feeling alone in my last relationship and in general in life too. Thank you for reading. p.s. if you respond, please be gentle, I am a bit sensitive.

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