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rene9250
679 M Embraced 5
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts22 Forum posts51 Forum upvotes51 Current upvotes51 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2020 Member sinceApril 9, 2020
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I'm proud of myself.
Motivation & Accountability / by rene9250
Last post
 May 22nd, 2020
...See more Because I've moved on from my ex, that I'm comfortable being alone now, and that I'm working on myself a lot!! I feel so free and trying to build the best version of myself!!
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A New Path But Curious Within
Relationship Stress / by rene9250
Last post
 May 25th, 2020
...See more I guess I want to start off with the idea that I have been single for a month and a half. This past year, I've had 3 relationships and honestly I felt so suffocated by love, having trust issues, being dependent on the other person... I've been trying to practice self love which is great, but realizing that I have to see my ex today to give him back his stuff freaks me out. I don't know how to act. I started having a panic attack last night about it... like I'm over him, but not really? It sucks. Also, I've been trying to figure out something inside me. Whenever I'm in a relationship and I get hit on/tempted by someone else, it makes me curious about being single. I will talk to them, but mention I have a boyfriend... but something inside me gets excited when I get this type of attention. Idk if that's normal tbh... like I want to have tunnel vision for one person, but it's hard for me not to check out someone "attractive." It's so weird cause when I'm single and messing around with other people, I lowkey want love again Sorry this is so random. I guess my other worry is that I won't be able to get married because of this nature of mine. Like I leave after 5 months, it's become a trend... why can't I stay committed to someone for a longer time? Why do I feel like it always gets toxic at the end? Why do my insecurities come out? I'm just scared of committing for some reason because ig I'm always curious? Like maybe this is the time for me to be curious for awhile?
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Endless Cycle of Breakups
Relationship Stress / by rene9250
Last post
 May 21st, 2020
...See more So I admit, I'm not good at being single. It's been 2 weeks since my ex and I have broken up and I have urges to reach out, like really badly because I miss him so much even though I was the one who ended things. Would it be wrong to text him? Why am I still holding on to him even though I know we weren't right for each other as of now? And, I guess it's not helping me that I'm trying to distract myself with other guys... cause his love/attention was different. I guess I still want him to be a part of my life, I guess I wish and hope he will be the one in the future cause he's such a good person, but he didn't treat me the way I wanted. I just feel like I need to journal more or something and stop stalking his social media to see if he's going to do another petty thing. I just want the pain to stop, I just want to move on. I know that I'm a good person, a good girlfriend, I guess I'm just scared that I'll never find a good boyfriend because I never feel satisfied after months of being "in love," and I'm not sure if it's because I have high expectations? it's hard for me to stay in relationships past 6 months because I just become either sad or bored. It's an endless cycle.
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(Failed) Relationship Hopper
Relationship Stress / by rene9250
Last post
 April 25th, 2020
...See more This is hard to talk about. I've always been the "heartbreaker" and have always relationship hopped quickly, forgetting who I was each time. With all the pain of losing that person, I wanted to deal with it through another person and have put my worth into men, which isn't right. My first ex - we met organically in class and instantly had a spark, dated for 6 months, but he got too clingy so I left. ~ 1 year before dating again, which I definitely was able to work on myself~ Second ex - we went on a blind date set up by my best friend and her bf at the time and he emotionally and mentally abused me, ending up cheating at the end and I stood him up and left. ~3 weeks~ Third ex - my dream, my first love. He treated me like a QUEEN, smothering me with his love, we went on adventures together, we were deep we were perfect, until college started for me. Long distance was a lot harder than I expected... I couldn't see him often and I got so busy. Also, I was curious about other men... Bad things - we were very off and on at the end, he didn't really want to go to college, he had a lot of issues that I felt like I had to fix but couldn't so I left. ~3 weeks of self-destruction = sex, alc, parties~ 4th ex - we met from mutual friends in college and he was so happy and someone I looked up to. Overtime, I felt like an option and felt like he was a boy vs. a man. We fought a lot, so I left. It's been 2 weeks since we've broke up and I'm forced to be alone... I just need help because I miss him
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goodbye (forever) !!!
Relationship Stress / by rene9250
Last post
 April 23rd, 2020
...See more Dear He Who Shall Not Be Named, I loved you, I loved you with all my heart, I loved you more than anything. But sometimes, things like this don't work out. I'm sorry I broke your heart, but my heart has been broken this past month within our relationship and with all the arguments and fights that accumulated into something toxic, I made the decision for both of us to let go. I hope you forgive me. But why? I think I have insecurities still within relationships, which prevent myself from trusting men so easily. My ex -the one who cheated- super-liked me and messaged me on tinder, after all the mentally abusive sh*t he did to me, isn't that just picture perfect? Also, you are a boy, not a man. You made me question your love to me, as you'd always show up late to my place, blow me off, prioritize other things than me like video games, I felt like an option to you. While I prioritized you and gave you all my love, I'd fight for you to give me more of yours, but habits are habits... you're lazy, you're narcissistic, you're not passionate, you're not a romantic, you deprived me from physical sh*t. I gave you SO many chances to prove yourself to me, that you'll work on us, but no. You lied to me, you didn't want me as much anymore. My gut was right, I had to find someone willing to treat me the way I deserve, and I know now that I am a one-of-a-kind PRIZE and I don't need someone like you to make me feel lower. I thank you for everything, goodbye (forever)! -R
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Ex
Anxiety Support / by rene9250
Last post
 April 23rd, 2020
...See more It's been like 2 and a half weeks since I broke up with my ex and I just realized that tomorrow wouldve been our anniversary. I'm really anxious right now, I want to reach out so bad. I want him in my life still, I feel like I might have messed up? Idk I just miss him... a lot of things remind me of him and he kind of made a TikTok a few days ago ripping up a poster I gave him and it made me so angry...
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