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rockorocks
1 63 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts5 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2018 Member sinceApril 10, 2018
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Pouring salt on an fresh new wound.
Depression Support / by rockorocks
Last post
 April 10th, 2018
...See more Hey Everyone. I am not going to take too much of your time. I will appreciate your responses and suggestions. I am not looking for pitty or a pat on the back. I am going through the worst time of my life and I need some sane voices from people who can sort of understand what I am feeling and what I am going through. So very long story, short: Parents divorced when I was born. Grandparents raised me. They were everything to me. All the good in me is them, all the bad is my parents. Only one grandma left and she doesn't have much time left. When she is gone, I will be completely alone. Fast forward to 6 years ago. I got married. It wasn't a perfect marriage, but we loved each other and she was my everything. Then my stepdad got arrested and went to prison for making money illegally in his business. I tried to help mom as much as I could. My relationshi with my wife suffered and eventually came crashing. She wanted out and I didn't. I tried and tried and tried, but she wanted out. My wife was one of the most kindest people in the world, but she was beyond infantile. I coulnd't have a rational converation with her. Fast forward to the last 6 months, previously I got laid off twice, I was stressing with a lot of things and then my wife and I split up. Very piecefully. We are still friends... After the split, I became very depressed. I've had some mood and anxiety issues most of my life, but my depresive states were usually short and couldn't stand up to my will power and my desire to be happy. But now, I was down. I was wounded and my body was dying, my soul was dying, my dog was the only thing that saved me. He is my everything and my only thing. So here is the problem: My dad lives in Israel with his family. If I don't call him, he will never call me. I have been so depressed and waited for him to call me. NO call. I emailed my sister there telling her that i think the way they are treating me is wrong, we are family and all that good stuff... Got a bunch of excuses back... F em... I am not going to call until they call me. Then with my mom and my sis who live in US, my mom called me a really nasty word when I reached out to her for help. My sister was in town for her bday and didn't even call me. Both acting like monsters. I am essentially alone in the world and here are my questions: How do I cope with the fact that while I grew up in big and happy and loving family, I am now totally alone ( I am 40 )? How do I accept that my own parents, while they love me in thought, don't do anything to show their love and support? How do find happiness again without losing my mind? I do feel like I am losing it just because knowing that you are all alone in the world of almost 8 billion people is quite disturbing PS. Please no religious suggestions of any type. While I respect everyone's belief, I am an atheist through and through. Thank you in advance FS
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