I have specific diagnosis. Lifelong CPTSD, which is caused white matter disease on my brain, which caused early on set dementia. I'm good at dissociation when life gets too hard, depression, anxiety, and sometimes agoraphobia. I was one and the oldest of many girls who was raped, and physically and mentally abused as a child. Mine lasted 15 years. My brother raped us regularly and my mother beat us and mentally terrified us into silence between the two of them it was hell. My brother died few years ago but my mother still lives and goes out of her way to still cause pain whenever she can. I moved back home state almost 6 years ago and being here is hell for me. I want to leave and go somewhere but I really have no one. I have no family there for me. Some I help but no one to help me. I have a husband who doesn't understand so he makes things worse. I've been living on the streets for 2 years now In my car. I'm not suicidal. But the pain is so much and I'm so alone I just can't take this pain. I should have never come home. I have 2 kids. I'm close to my son right now but he's turning 30 soon. and travels alot and when he is home I'm not able to talk to him. I'm close to my daughter, but she's got four children, so she's pretty busy. And I was extremely close to my 4 grandkids. They'd light up like Christmas trees when they would see me. But my son in law thinks I'm trash even though I do so good with grandkids. He decided I'm not good enough to be around them. It's killing me inside. Son in law belittle my daughter all the time they fight like crazy. Daughter lets him get away with cheating. They fight constantly. I am good for those babies and they for me. I see them as often as possible. You know it's bad when the 3 year old steps in and tells daddy your just a mean daddy. My heart goes out to them. I've just had all I can take. I am in desperate need of friends. And I don't know if it's allowed or not but if anyone lives close to me I would love to have a friend in person. Just desperately need friends. I feel so alone and helpless.. I have a psych doctor she's wonderful. She also recently got me a caseworker, which is really helpful. And the caseworker told me today they're assigning me a nurse. I am disabled due to my conditions.