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This is going to be an extremely long thread, so please beware.
Okay I know this is going to sound like some very childish highschool dumb drama, and it almost is but please just give me some help. I (20M) and and college and I started speaking to this girl Q (24F) about 10 months ago, who happens to be the older sister of two younger sisters who go to my school. We started snapping and I had been trying to see if she was interested, and for the first few months it was a bit dry, but after about 4 months I felt like I could see some decent progress. Q was at several of my sporting events because her sisters participate in the same sport, but I never made an attempt to approach her in person at these events, mostly out of fear for whatever her sisters may think or say (and then spread to the rest of the team), and also because she was almost always with their parents. Another few weeks go by, and we’re planning to travel for a sporting event, and Q lets me know that she’ll be there to support her sisters as well. I decide that this is going to be my time to make my move in person after snapping for the last 5 months, but my teammate who happens to be dating the youngest sister tells me that I should probably quit wasting my effort, and after some prying I am able to get him to tell me that the youngest sister was speaking to Q and was told that she’s “just entertaining me for fun”. This really upset me because I thought that we had been moving well, and felt like she was genuinely interested back. The whole trip I was just stewing, and once I saw her at the event I just said hey and kept walking.
However we would still snap daily, multiple times through the day, and she really began improving, starting conversations all the time, saying good morning, talking to me about how I’ve been etc. After this I started thinking, maybe she doesn’t really feel the way her sister said , or if she did she doesn’t anymore, so I continued speaking to her. From this point in late March to late June things were never better, snapping all the time, talking about our dreams, plans, hobbies, replying to each other every 5 minutes. The season and school year end and we end up having spoken once for a few minutes at our final sporting event, and agreeing that since we never saw each other that whole time that we could make up for it in the summer. Summer comes around and things are still great so I try to plan our first hangout which ends up falling through because I had to help with a memorial at the last second, so we agree to reschedule and I ask her to let me know whenever she’s free because she’s usually busier than me. A week and a half goes by and I figure she’s not gonna say anything so I try to plan a hangout again. This time we agree to go out together, but the whole week leading up to it she seems very upset and under the weather, was far slower at replying and giving very short answers, so I ask how she’s doing, to which she replies that she’s not feeling well which I understand. The day before the planned hang out day I ask if she’s feeling better or would rather reschedule, which again made sense. However that same night I see her on campus with her sisters who are working there over the summer, where Q then spends the night and the next day goes out all day downtown to celebrate the middle sister’s birthday. I don’t know if this had already been planned so she went cause she wanted to celebrate her sister’s birthday no matter what, or if she just didn’t want to hang out with me that day.
This left me very confused because I thought she wasn’t feeling well, but even before then she said I could pick any time for the day we chose, but wouldn’t she have mentioned that she was going to have something with her sisters and try plan around that? Anyways, it was all downhill from here. This was early July, and three days after going out for her sister’s birthday it was Q’s birthday. I felt that we were quite close at this time, and that she could clearly see that I felt a certain way about her so I wrote her a really sweet happy birthday message, to which I got a “thx!”. At this point alarm bells are going off in my head because this girl that I had been fighting for 9 months to get closer to and maybe work towards something is suddenly going back to the same way we were when we first met. After this day it was like radio silence. From 30 snaps a day to 6 or 7. Fighting to get an engaging answer, and thinking about getting a “good morning” or “how was your day” was completely out of the question. Im not proud of doing this, but I thought that maybe she just wasn’t snapping anyone because of the issues she had been having the previous week, but when I looked at her snap score it was raising at a considerable rate, and I simultaneously noticed that I would be left on delivered for long times even though she had been online recently (last online 3 minutes ago, snap sent 45 minutes ago) which had NEVER happened, even when she was dry in the beginning. This made me lose my mind because I started trying to think, what did I do wrong?? Is she upset because a second hangout got canceled? Does she think I took too long to make a move? Did she find someone else? I go another week like this, and it’s literally impossible to think about anything else because this girl who I genuinely liked and I thought felt the same way just stopped after 4 months of great communication. I try asking here and there how she is, trying not to pry or annoy her, but was normally met with “I’m good” and “I’ve been okay”, which it certainly didn’t seem like, but if those are her responses I felt like a real answer was impossible to get. After another few days of this, being left on delivered purposely and no conversations started by her, I decided to forget ab feeling awkward and went to the youngest sister for advice. She tells me that she’s not exactly sure, but she’s knows that Q lost a calf that she had been bottle feeding for some weeks, which made sense to why she seemed so sad two weeks prior, but left no explanation for why she was ignoring me. She also told me that Q was “SUPER excited” about our last hangout (didn’t really seem like that but alright). The week leading up to now Q has been doing the same stuff, in fact yesterday she posted a beautiful selfie on her story and I slide up complimenting her and again, left on delivered while she snap score went up 100 in 6 minutes.
I asked again whether she still wanted to hangout because August is about to start, I start school at the end of august and she starts a new job in a week and a half so our summers are coming to an end and we STILL haven’t hung out. When I asked she replied “yeah for sure!!”, and when I asked her to let me know whenever she’s free this week (because she “has work to make up this week”) to which she replied “okay i will”. She never said anything . I just want to know what happened. I really like Q, probably (definitely) more than she does me, but I don’t understand how something can change so fast and without explanation. I wrote Q a letter sort of like this story, however it’s all addressed directly to her, asking all the questions while I’ve been sad, confused, angry, every emotion I’ve felt about this was thrown into it. I’ve been contemplating sending it but I feel like it has a 50% chance of her just skimming through it and saying “i started talking to someone else”, 47% chance of it scaring her away because she’s like “uh I didn’t think it was this serious I thought we were chilling nvm I don’t want all of that” and a 3% chance of her being honest whether she actually wants to pursues something or if she’s just been going through the loss of the calf (which I honestly might not believe). But if she’s really done, why not just say something?? Surely there’s no way that it’s easier to just not say anything about it at all while I’m here trying to figure out what I’ve done wrong or what I can do to make us return to how it was 3 weeks ago and the 4 months prior. Personally if I decided to stop things with someone and they continued to say good morning, ask how I’m doing, and try make conversation, I’d be annoyed and just let them know not to waste either of our time. But Q won’t say anything unless you pry it out of her, which both of her sisters also attest to, so I don’t know what exactly I’m supposed to go off of besides her lack of responses and conversation. After a couple days I decided to ask her “what’s been going on you’ve seemed very uninterested the past month” and she replied “it’s been a really busy month and I’ve been going through some stuff and haven’t been in the mental space to be interested” so I then asked “so is this something you want to continue or should I just stop” to which replied “Definitely something I want to continue… I just need a little time”. But after this things only got worse, response times were slower, I was still on delivered while her snap score went up, and attempting to start a conversation was like pulling teeth.
After about a week of this, I ended up speaking to her sister again and she told me to try calling Q out of the blue to talk since we don’t have a great track record of planning things. So I tried, she let it ring out, and was then on *** 1 minute later, so I told her “if you don’t want to talk you can say that” to which she replied “what is there to talk about”. I then replied “literally anything, I really haven’t heard from you the past month and I haven’t really known what’s going on or what to think”, which caused her to kind of snap on me and she says “Idk what to say. I can't help that I don't have much to say anymore, you say you don't want to bother me but it always feels like a forced conversation, and it's repetitive, it doesn't feel like a genuine conversation” which made no sense to me, how can I have a genuine conversation when you are so unresponsive and refuse to even try to keep a conversation?? I replied to her “I’m just confused because honestly it’s pretty disorienting to go from talking to someone all day everyday to struggling to get a response, with absolutely no warning and no explanation.” To which she replied “Okay... Then *** rn I'm done talking bc i don't have to explain my personal reasons as to why I am not want to be talkative and have forced conversations. So sorry for talking as much as did before, i changed I can't help that. I don't feel like talking some days and others want to actually have a genuine conversation but when I would give you a detailed answer a to how my day was that energy was not reciprocated so I got tired of it.” This confused me even more because how is that what I’m supposed to go off of?? Half the time I won’t get a response to good morning, all day I either won’t hear anything from you or I’ll get 1 word responses, and the one day in the week that you decide to say a bit more that “my day was good” I’m supposed to automatically know that’s when you want to talk???? This has been taking a major toll of me, as I can’t seem to find an answer to what happened to make everything change so fast.
