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rusty18
384 M Embraced 3
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts13 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes6 Current upvotes6 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2019 Member sinceMay 13, 2019
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A Two-Front Battle
Depression Support / by rusty18
Last post
 April 8th, 2020
...See more I have been involved in a serious relationship for over a year now with someone who is nothing like me from an educational/economic/family perspective. My family is what one might call "perfect." No divorces in hundreds of years, nobody has ever been arrested or anything, go to church every single sunday, spend "quality time" together, helicopter parents etc. I am a legal adult who can vote, I hold a summer internship while I am not attending college in the fall. However, my SO has recently been charged with a misdomeaner. They also have several tickets, a history of arrest in their family, and are currently unemployed. You can imagine the fit my parents have thrown over the past year. Several days ago they learned of the court case, and were soon having very serious talks with me. I felt heartbroken. I promised my SO that I would always be there, through thick and thin. This is thick, let me tell you. My parents are worried for my safety, but I feel as if they do not know that I can act for myself. My SO's charge was not violence or recklessness, something much more docile but I still will not say for privacy. I was/am supposed to go on an overnight trip with my SO next weekend, and now I am terrified to even bring it up. My parents have weighed this burden on me so badly. It was already bad enough my SO lost their job and it was starting to impact them, now my parents hate to hear their name. This caused a tussle between SO & I, because they felt violated by my parents (who googled their name.. to find all of this out). This fighting left me in a very dark place. I had to reach out to some people for help, and thankfully they brought me out of that dark place. I went to see SO last night and they said that we were fine, we will be ok, but it will take time to heal the relationship they have with my parents. It still hurts quite bad though. This past week I have not eaten much, called out of work so I could have the house to myself to sob and cry, and felt dizzy every time I drive or breathe too fast. I would not say I have depression, but I am new here and did not exactly know where to put this. I would figure that some of you would probably relate to feeling hopeless and out of control. My analogy (I love analogies, by the way) for this situation is: I am in a dark room, with a sword in my hand. Two people are telling me where to swing, yelling and threatening me. I have control of the sword, enough to choose, but choosing either side will hurt me. I hate to think of it, that I am fighting both my parents and my SO. My parents love me way too much to even kick me out, which I only can dream of. They will simply berrade me with uncomfortable topics and harsh advice until I break down like always. I dread laying in my bed at night because my father will come and lay at the foot of my bed and give me a talk like a 14 year old, and it always ends in judgement and embarassment. How can I love someone going through something so difficult, while proving to my parents that this (SO & I's relationship as well as the trip) is a good idea, I am responsible, yet I still love them and acknowledge their advice/opinion? Any ideas are very welcome, I am very lost and just trying to hang on by the hour. - Rusty
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