Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
Considering therapy? Talk to a licensed therapist, wherever you are. Get started
ryxlyy
364 M Embraced 3
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts36 Forum posts13 Forum upvotes21 Current upvotes21 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2023 Member sinceJanuary 6, 2023
Bio
Recent forum posts
ryxlyy profile picture
My rank dropped contrary to everyone’s expectations
Student Support / by ryxlyy
Last post
 January 28th, 2023
...See more I would really appreciate to hear your thoughts about this entry 💗 I am currently a senior, a candidate for valedictorian. I was first place during the first term grading but my rank dropped to second place. I thought I was okay at first. sSome teachers were shocked about my rank and were worried about my reaction to it. I was the only one the congratulated as a form of comfort. I didn’t understand it but slowly I realized that I may be receiving pity. The teachers, my classmates, batchmates, schoolmates, friends and family saw how hard I worked. while I was at school, I studied everywhere and during my free time. I studied at the school bathroom, canteen, waiting area, and also while walking and eating. there were times I barely ate and barely slept just to study and complete tasks. I know that no one is mocking my hard work but because of my previous school’s bullying, I started to think they’re mocking me like, “she works so hard but she still isn’t first” or “she’s a try hard” im afraid that the rank I thought I could appreciate just become another source for mocking although that didn’t happen (yet idk) I was never confident with my abilities to begin with, I also don’t regret working hard since I think I’m not naturally smart. I just don’t wanna go back to the point where I feel ashamed that I worked so hard only to achieve so little or far from peoples expectations. I’m also a people pleaser just to make it worse. the reason why I failed is about so many things; from my uncooperative, unresponsive, and always absent research groupmates, exerting my body to practice the dance for a school activity even thought my health is not that good to begin with my first reason would be when I received the first place though. I’ve always found recognition ceremonies unpleasant. I loved learning itself, I didn’t study to be recognized. But when I received first place, that’s when I felt pressure and I didn’t find studying as an enjoyable activity but rather as a necessity. there was a scholarship in our school that if we were first place last school year then we didn’t have to pay tuition, I contacted about the school about that scholarship because I was hoping for the tiniest possibility. I really wanted to ease our family’s financial burden even for a bit. it turned out that I was second place, and the first place from last year got the scholarship. I don’t resent her and I do think she deserves it. I just felt bad for my single mom that I wasn’t able to get that opportunity for her even though she never pressured me about it or about my studies. I was able to be first place this school years first term while the first place from last school year got second. I won’t lie, I’d admit that I’m jealous that she got scholarship benefits and there was also a part of me that wished she would give me the first place spot since she was able to get the free tuition benefit already. The thought was absurd and I hated myself for thinking those thoughts. so now I’m second place, I’m quite relieved but also sad. I didn’t let it show at school nor did I appreciate the what I assumed as outright pity regardless of their kind intentions. I just don’t wanna regret working hard even if I wasn’t able to reach expectations. I also wanna stop thinking that I would be mocked or attacked behind my back. I don’t wanna be ridiculed for working hard and not achieving what they thought I would. I wanna move the trauma my previous school gave me. I missed the me that was able to receive kind intentions well but now I start to be suspicious about everyone since the very people I trusted before were the one who hurt me the most.. thanks for reading this, I hope your wishes come true and live a happy healthy peaceful life.
ryxlyy profile picture
Recently joined 7 cups
Newbie Hub / by ryxlyy
Last post
 January 11th, 2023
...See more I’m new here and has been using 7 cups for a week. I am really grateful for this community. There has been many times when I feel like I m not allowed to share how I feel and often times I’d rather become a listener than voice out my feelings. I was afraid that communicating my feelings would only make them worse. I constantly invalidated my feelings and tried to get through my anxiety alone. Having someone I could confide in under the comfort of anonymity has been really helpful. I hope many people would discover this community and be able to take small steps towards healing. Thank you 7 cups! introduction: I’m turning 18, graduating highshool, be just took my dream college’s entrance exam (I hope we all get accepted in our dream school) I love cats, anime, movies, drama, books, and studying (although I still find school uncomfortable, I still have my passion for learning). I also love talking about my hobbies with people that has the same hobbies as I do. thanks for reading, hope we all heal from all that we’ve gone through.
ryxlyy profile picture
I love BL danmei!!
TV & Movies / by ryxlyy
Last post
 January 17th, 2023
...See more im currently readying dumb husky and white cat Shizun, I finished reading scumbag villain self-saving system, I watched the real life adaptation of mu dao zu shi or grandmaster of demonic cultivation, Untamed. I read the mangas and watched the anime of heaven’s official blessings. im planning to read thousand autumns so too!!
Search more from @ryxlyy
Considering Therapy?
Talk to an expert therapist
Badges & Awards
12 total badges
Hand Shake Linked First Post Reaching out Helping out Appreciated Voice First Compassion Bundled Evolution Meet & Greet Group Friend Forum Friend
Report an issue
Talk to a licensed therapist Wherever you are, whenever you need support. Get matched
Considering therapy? Talk to a licensed therapist, wherever you are. Get started