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sashurss
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PathStep 11 Compassion hearts19 Forum posts36 Forum upvotes50 Current upvotes50 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2016 Member sinceMay 20, 2015
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I can't take care of myself
Personality Disorders Support / by sashurss
Last post
 May 25th, 2016
...See more I can feel myself spinning out of control and I can't do anything to stop it. I can't be trusted to buy groceries without impulsively using that money for other things. I can't remember if I passed in this month's papers for my disability check. I can't get the energy to clean or keep it in my mind that I have to clean, that goes for both my house and myself. I don't think I even paid my phone bill. I can't get through the day without either dissociating or falling apart. I haven't gone to see my doctor in.. weeks? months? I have no concept of time. I can never remember to take my meds, even if I set an alarm on my phone because I forget to charge it and then I forget where I put it. I haven't left the house in a month. It's embarrassing. I'm an adult, I'm expected to do these things.. and I just.. can't. And I can't do anything about it. I have nowhere to go, who would want to take care of an adult, nobody understands, my family just think it's laziness. My mother understands somewhat but she is working away and I can't just leave here and go there because I need to be here to pass in my disability slips each month, without them I have no money and my mom can't afford to financially support me. My psychiatrist is here, not there. and I have 2 cats who I can't imagine leaving, it makes me panic just thinking about it, and the airline only allows you to travel with 1 pet.. I have no idea how I am going to get through the next few months until October when my mom will be back home..
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BPD & TTC/pregnancy/parenting
Personality Disorders Support / by sashurss
Last post
 January 9th, 2016
...See more Does anyone here have children, are pregnant, or trying to get pregnant? What did you do about medication? Was there any difficult moments for you either your own symptoms or other people's judgement?
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Sometimes I feel like
Personality Disorders Support / by sashurss
Last post
 September 5th, 2015
...See more I should just throw out all of my electronics (laptop/phone) and quit the internet (I've already quit "reality") because my BPD is effecting even my online life.. It did only effect my real life but it just keeps getting worse and screwing every aspect of my life up now I try to apologize to people whenever I'm done having a mood swing but they just don't get it, I've just "spat the dummie" to them and when I say I can't control it (believe me, I try) they say you can't blame your illness for your behaviour/personality.. but it's a PERSONALITY disorder that affects your behaviour! I'm sick of hearing the words 'lazy', 'selfish', 'manipulative', etc. I'm just embarrassed to be alive and sick of having no control over my emotions/behaviour and everywhere I reach out for help I just get turned down.. I've gone to the crisis center at the hospital twice and they just treat you like you're a waste of space/time/energy.. especially with the BPD stigma.. I beg my mom to help me and she says work is more important/she needs money.. BPD gets better as you get older.. so they say.. but how do you "get older" with BPD? How do you wake up everyday and face these things we're forced to face and keep on living? I'm just... lost
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After you've isolated yourself
Personality Disorders Support / by sashurss
Last post
 April 10th, 2016
...See more and have nobody left to talk to, and live alone, and having nobody to speak to you or give you any attention leading to you wondering if you're even real... am I alone in this?
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When do you tell potential partners?
Personality Disorders Support / by sashurss
Last post
 January 27th, 2016
...See more Dating with BPD, well doing anything with BPD, is such a struggle and I'm not sure whether I should tell people before the first date, on my dating profile(??), after the 3rd date, 5th?? or when we're "official" that I have BPD.. The thing is, when you Google BPD it's just awful - nothing supportive and makes us look like horrible people and to "run away from people with bpd DO NOT DATE SOMEONE WITH BPD!" you get me? So I feel like telling them too soon could scare them but they could also look the symptoms up and see if it's something they can "handle" (probably a bad word to use) So when do you tell potential dates/partners you have BPD???
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Looking for a 20-something male listener
General Support / by sashurss
Last post
 May 25th, 2015
...See more Heya, so I'm a 20 year old female who would like to talk about things such as depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, self harm, PTSD, abuse (all forms: sexual, verbal, mental, emotional, physical), dealing with a break up, dissociation/depersonalization, paranoia, mood swings/anger & abandonment issues. Sounds like a lot, wow.. Writing all that out definitely makes me feel crazy lol but if you have any experience with the above things it'd be great to talk to you.. I tend to get along better with men than women because I have an inferiority complex and I'll just be too scared and feel judged if I spoke to a woman (sorry ladies)  I also don't want a listener who tells me to just "think positive" because when people minimalize my feelings it ends up badly.. and in passing I may bring up my sexuality (heteromantic bisexual) or beliefs (I'm a satanist) so I'd like a listener who is okay with those things :)
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