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scarletCherry3980
1 1,735 M Hopeful Heart
PathStep 34 Compassion hearts145 Forum posts55 Forum upvotes90 Current upvotes90 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2024 Member sinceNovember 3, 2022
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Same Cycle
Positivity & Gratitude / by scarletCherry3980
Last post
 August 4th, 2024
...See more Hello! I consider myself a christian woman. Lately I've done some things I'm not proud of which leads me fall into the same cycle that I've been trying to get out of for years and years. I'm sick of this cycle, I'm sick of my surroundings (certain things), I'm sick of feeling like this and I'm even sick of myself. I don't want something big to happen in my life just so I can change, I want to have control in the things I can control. I want my life to be different. I don't want to run to God just when I feel bad because I feel like I'm using him and I feel so ashamed. I'm longing to be closer to God, I truly see him as my Father because my dad passed away when I was 4 years old and some way some how I depended on God to help me out. Now I find myself not really wanting to go to church, I feel like I need to be alone and pray and read the Bible all by myself. I still love and care for my highschool sweetheart but a lot has happened between us and we're not together anymore, we still talk but I secretly still have hope between us but I'm also in the same thing and that person is too but worse (I think). My mom has a big heart, she loves everyone and everything but at the end she's always hurt because she let's people step on her and I've seen her like that for years and I don't want that for her anymore. I don't like seeing her cry. But I still have hope. I see my siblings also wanting to change just like myself. And I have hope for everything but I don't know how to leave these things in God's hands.
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Diagnosed With MDD
Depression Support / by scarletCherry3980
Last post
 July 16th, 2024
...See more I was just diagnosed with MDD. A couple of weeks ago I was feel really bad then the other week good and faithful and now I'm back to feeling worthless and useless. I'm struggling with faith, leaving my anxieties to God and feel extremely guilty. I also feel like I can't talk to anyone anymore. I'm scared to take medication for depression and I feel like I'm just spiraling. (I am in therapy) I somewhat feel like it's not enough. Any advice ?
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Letting Ex Step All Over My Boundaries (long story, sorry)
Relationship Stress / by scarletCherry3980
Last post
 July 3rd, 2024
...See more My ex and I were together for 9 years then he broke up with me (2022) and went with someone else immediately. Then we started talking a couple months later (2023) and we got together again (lasted about a year) and about a month ago he breaks up with me (2024). Well when he recently broke up with me yes I cried but then I started to feel numb for everything. I didn't feel anything for him, I didn't feel anything for my family or anyone. I went to the hospital and was diagnosed with MDD. And a couple weeks ago he was looking for me at work (I had him blocked). My mistake was unblocking him...he would tell everything about his life, and how he wants to treat me and be with me eventually and then he says he wants nothing because our relationship is broken and that it doesn't matter if he messes around with 1000 girls that I'm never going to trust him. I was taken back when he said that because I struggled to trust again when we got back together (I communicated that to him) I was in a battle with my own mind everyday saying that "he's not lying and hes not cheating just ,trust him". My fault was taking him back with just words and no actions (now I know that). He also recently told me why am I setting up boundaries with him (instant click) that he sees them but he doesn't care and I had a hard time setting them up because I don't want to upset anyone. Furthermore, I know what I need to do such as blocking him for good and cut him off completely, I just know I can't continue this toxic cycle with him. I know this sounds silly but I still love and care for him but for my sake I don't want to continue the cycle and I don't want that for him either. All this to say I need encouragement, support, I need friends (online and in person), I'm currently taking therapy trying to get back into my art work and trying to build up my relationship with God. I would like to mention there's alot more to this story. Also there's 2 sides to every story and I take full responsibility and accountability for my wrong doings.
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I'm going through a lot at the moment
Relationship Stress / by scarletCherry3980
Last post
 May 13th, 2024
...See more Hi everyone! At this very moment I feel like I need a lot of support and guidance. I have not been feeling well and I've been feeling super lonely. My 10 year relationship just ended and it didn't end well. I feel super sick and I don't really have any friends to talk to. I also feel very ashamed, guilty, and disappointed at myself. I'm also going through alot at work. I never like going through change and I don't know how to cope with it. Please help me & thank you !
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Feeling Guilty
Relationship Stress / by scarletCherry3980
Last post
 August 28th, 2023
...See more I don't want to be Intimate with my boyfriend because I want him to take me seriously but I let my guard down because I'm attracted to him but I also care/ love him. It was one of my boundaries that I don't want him to step but I keep opening the door. And everytime we do, i feel guilty (religious reasons)
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Overwhelmed Confusion
Relationship Stress / by scarletCherry3980
Last post
 May 15th, 2023
...See more I am super confused. My brain battles with it self. I love my ex and I want him to go and discover him self because he has never healed from his past and I haven't healed from what he did to me. But when he is not with me I wonder about him, I wonder if he wants me, if he really wants to fix his life. He said he'll do anything to fix our relationship, he's willing to go to therapy. And a part of me is happy for us but I know he is very lost in his life. We've were together for 7 years. I told him we can fix things if he leaves his job (he cheated on me with someone from his job (he left me for her (months)) and I also know his job made him super miserable) he recently lost his job and he got into some serious family issues too. He called me and of course I answered and he said "I got into a really bad argument with a family member and I'm leaving, I need you to come with me, I need your support, I need you to marry me" I was shocked. I told him that I can't do that because I have goals for my life that I need to do on my own, and he said "who said you can do it alone? I can do that for you! If you want to go to school I can help you! If you want a family I can do that! If you want me to go to therapy I can do that! But you can't do it alone!". I some what believe him but there's no trust, I can't trust him, and I know his manipulation tactics but I also feel like he doesn't want to lose me. I know him really well but it's hard to know when he is telling the truth or not. I tell myself why do I feel like I'm losing an opportunity with him when I haven't done anything? Like I said I wonder about him when I'm not with him, and I wonder about my future with him, sometimes I want to risk everything for him because he was my first everything. I think if I was to make my life with someone else I'm always going to wonder what my life could've been with him and I can't picture my life without him. I don't want to wonder about anyone else and what it could be with that anyone. But I don't know if I'm just hurting us by answering his phone calls or if I still want to fix things with him. I blocked him because I don't know what to do but his calls still show in my call logs and he has called me 15 times. I told him "you can't call me when things happen to you all the time because I can't do it anymore, it's not the same as it was and never will be, and I don't know that's probably for the better! I can't fix your relationships between you and your family or friends anymore because it's not my job" I don't get it because also when I'm with him I don't care that he kissed someone else (and more) but I know the pain is still there and i cant ignore MY pain My feelings. He was going to marry her but he said he realized that he couldn't because he didn't love her, he said all he could think about is me and still does. I'm apologize for all this rambling but I don't know what to do
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Heavy Heart
Relationship Stress / by scarletCherry3980
Last post
 February 13th, 2023
...See more My heart feels so heavy. I have dreams about him, think about him everyday and his family. He cheated on me, sometimes it clicks in my head and sometimes it doesn't make sense. I find out he never stopped calling me during all this time (almost 4 months) I don't know to believe him but he says he left the other girl because he realized that he still wants me and that doesn't make sense. Why did he leave me then? He's been trying to contact me, he has other people contacting me, but I don't want words through a dumb phone I want actions. I don't want to see him because I'm scared if I still feelings for him or don't (today would make 8 years) but then I do, something in me wants him to find me. I'm not healed and he is not healed and I know I can't be with him now because it's not fair. I think about working it out sometimes like getting professional help because I don't want to give up but I know I can't be the only one. Why did he destroy everything? Last year he was telling me "let's go to every wedding that we are invited to so we can see what to do and what not to do. You are going to be a beautiful mom." He convinces me to buy an RV because his plans was to get me out of my mom's house, get engaged and get married. But the time was getting really close and he leaves me, but takes some of my things with him? I feel so lost
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Breakup (3 Months Update)
Relationship Stress / by scarletCherry3980
Last post
 February 6th, 2023
...See more So long story short my ex that I was with for 8 years, cheated on me, initiated the breakup 3 months ago, and got into a relationship right away. I actually posted a thread about a week ago on here. Well I just found out that he messaged my mom 2 weeks ago. And 2 days ago he messaged my cousin along paragraph. Now I feel so stupid because I unblocked him and told him ( please stop talking to my family, they don't need to know anything about you.) once I sent the message I felt like I messed everything up, the no contact, and my dignity and my respect for myself. That message came out of my anger because I just thought in my head he needs to be told by me to back off but then I realized that I'm giving him what he wants, a reaction and I gave it to him. Right after I blocked him because I don't want to see or hear about what he wants to say. Now I feel lost because I know 3 months isn't enough to heal but I have learn so much and I'm continuing to learn more, Also I've been missing him and every time I think of the many scenarios that play in my head somehow I still feel love for him. And I really miss his family so much also there just hasn't been a day where I'm not thinking about him. Please help me, I feel terrible ..
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