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scarlettprue
1,410 M Little Steps 4
PathStep 22 Compassion hearts39 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2024 Member sinceAugust 13, 2015
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Single (again!) and struggling!
Relationship Stress / by scarlettprue
Last post
 August 20th, 2024
...See more This is a long one, and I apologise in advance, but it's best to start from the beginning... My (now ex) boyfriend ended our relationship and I am heartbroken. We were together nearly 10 months, and yes I know, that's not a very long time. But I can honestly say these last 10 months have been the absolute best of my life, and the whole thing has been a shock to me. We met online, and lived in different cities, about about hour away from each other. There was an instant connection and we set out our expectations very early on. At the time I had my own place and lived alone, and I was working a busy and very stressful job. I worked about 16 hours a day, 6 days a week. He owned a house, which he rented out to make extra money, and lived in a house share in the town centre. After about a month if seeing each other, we declared it a relationship and it took of from there. To some this all may seem things happened quickly, but we (well definitely I) both said we were moving at a pace that suited us both. 4 months in, he tells me he is going to stop renting his house out and move back in, and he wanted me to move in with him, as this would also end the issue with long distance. I was ecstatic and couldn't wait, so I began looking for a new job in that location, and gave notice on my rental property. My new job was located conveniently 5 minutes away from our new home, and now I only had to work 4 days. The bills were going to be cheaper since living together so I didn't have to work my *** off as much. We were living happily for 5 months together. We furnished the house, went on holiday and were starting to arrange holiday plans with our families. I thought everything was going amazingly. He showed me how I was supposed to be treat in a relationship, after previously toxic ones that left me dosed up on antidepressants for months on end... He was my peacez my best friend. I loved him to my very core. About a month ago he tells me he doesn't see a future together. He said since I don't work as much he thinks all I do is sit around the house doing nothing, and I have no life ambition. I explained this is the first time in a very long time I've had this much free time. I have my hobbies which I still take part in, but sometimes I do like to sit back and relax because I feel like I deserve it. He's self employed, as are all his family, and he thinks my new easier job isn't ambitious enough. I worked my *** off at my previous job just to be taken advantage of and stressed to the point my mental health was at an all time low. He saw all of this and was even the one who encouraged me to leave. I asked him what I could do to improve the situation and he said by engaging in more hobbies and work on "improving myself at the gym". Determined to change his mind, that is what I did. I kept myself constantly busy and went to the gym for the next 2 weeks, but I was constantly feeling worried and found myself thinking about what he was thinking, so I brought the situation back up... He said he originally said those things because he couldn't accept accountability for how he really feels. And what he really feels is that he's not ready for a relationship, thinks we moved in together too quickly and he should have lived back at his house alone first before asking me to come. So that was that. For the next 2 weeks I spent time trying to arrange a transfer with work, as I would be moving out and back to my original city. I spent hours every day trying to find new accommodation, but since I'm working less, and earning less money, it's difficult to find something in budget. So I've temporarily moved back in with my parents. At 30 years old, it feels like a massive set back, and I feel lost as well as dealing with the emotions of her another relationship break down. During the period of his ending the relationship and me moving out, we argued a lot, and we had never once argued at all during the relationship. It was awful, my pain and upset came out really ugly because I didn't know how to handle it. He stayed at friends houses several nights a week just to give me space, but that hurt as well. I wrote him a letter telling him how sorry I was that I acted out from the pain. After he read it, he told me several times he still wants to be friends and will come visit me, and even said that he might change his mind in a few months we'd just have to wait and see!! Now I'm confused as well as stressed, upset and hurt. Yesterday I finally moved all my things and I'm now back at my parents for the time being. I love and miss him so much. This is my first relationship with no lies, not being cheated on, no arguments. Throughout the actual relationship he treat me like an absolute queen. I was so content and happy with my life for the first time in a long long time. I don't really know what I want or need. Whether it be advice, or just someone to listen to me, I don't know... All I know is that I wanted to get everything off my chest because I am indeed struggling quite a lot right now. If you've made it this far, thank you for listening to me. I'm not sure what I need to do, all I know is that I want peace.
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