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screamqueen808
143 M Embraced 1
PathStep 11 Compassion hearts7 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2018 Member sinceJuly 3, 2018
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How can I stop hating myself so much ?
Depression Support / by screamqueen808
Last post
 January 15th, 2019
...See more I was quite happy as a child but ever since I started to get bullied at 9 years old (I'm currently 24), I'm completely depressed. I feel extremely lonely. It's impossible for me to "let anyone in" my life because I can't believe anyone could be interested in me. I feel like a burden for everyone. The (very few) people around me that I haven't pushed away don't know how to help me. Plus, last year I was raped, and since that I feel worse than ever. I turned to alcohol and that kind of stuff to get rid of all this pain but it's wasn't working so I stopped (it was hard). Now one of my only sources of joy in life is my cat. I can never really enjoy hanging out with people, even those who are supposed to be my closest friends, because my self-hatred always ends up messing up my relationships. I hate my body, my personality, the way I act around people (very awkward). I used to be quick, smart and funny, but I feel like depression is eating away all the good things that are left of me. I also tried antidepressants but it didn't work for me. Therapists didn't work either because I never managed to trust them. I've been stuck in this horrible place for so long I can barely imagine getting better. Still I keep trying to get some help. Maybe this website could help ... ? I don't even know if this is the right place to post this kind of message, I apologize if it isn't, there are so many things on this website, I don't understand it. Thank you in advance to anyone who will read this and possibly help me
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