selenite0soul Member Profile

...See more When I was young, my brother bought home 2 small turtles. He was young like me and you know when you’re young, anything is believable. Well, he told me that the lady who sold him the turtles said to feed them twice a week…….. When you’re young, it’s exciting to care for an animal! I loved it! But of course, they died and I was so devastated by their deaths that I tried giving them CPR and thought that splashing them with sink water would help bring them back to life. I was really young, so I don’t remember how I coped with it afterwards, but later in the future, when I was about 9-10 years old, I got 2 beautiful white doves. I LOOOOVED them and played with them everyday!! I made sure they got good food, treats, fresh water…. Then one day, I got picked up from school and was heading home. I was so happy and couldn’t wait to see them that I called home. I asked how my doves were doing and I was told that one of them died and that froze my being. When we finally got home, I saw her lifeless body in the cage and it shattered my aching heart. When my turtles and dove died, I never had a therapist to talk to and no one consoled or comforted me about their deaths. I did t have many friends at school, but I was always the “wild and crazy” one in my friend group, but when I became quiet, they didn’t even ask what was wrong with me. I had no emotional support growing up. I don’t think I fully processed what had happened, until years later, now that I’m 28 and focusing on inner child healing, I realized that their deaths impacted me a hell of lot more than I thought. I guess the lack of emotional support and having to keep going through life made me suppress it. When your young, you also think of reasonings as to why they died or you believe that the ones you live would die cruelly too. That life can be meaningless. When you’re alone, the most depressing thoughts can birth within you. If I could go back in time, I wish I had met someone who saw how different I was acting and asked what was wrong or that I was given an opportunity to speak to a therapist or someone compassionate and understanding. It’s terrible when you open up to someone about something horrible to you and they treat it as if it’s a minor issue. Then friends leave you because you’re not funny or silly anymore… Growing up, I don’t think I met anyone who saw their pet as if they were their baby, or that they had a valuable life. Pets depend on you for food, water, and shelter because once you take them in, they can’t provide for themselves. When you give them love, you see trust developing and it’s just so fragile… A major part of my innocence died with their deaths… What makes this more traumatic for me is that later on, when I ended up having about 20 doves, we had to give them up. We found a place that supposedly doesn’t give shots to animals and we gave all of them up except for 4 I think. I was so sad to depart from them, that when we were all in the car, I was In my most vulnerable state, needed comfort and hope, I asked, “They’ll be ok, right?” My father sighed and said blankly, “No one will want them. Yes, they’re gonna get a shot and die.” His cold words stabbed me hard in the heart and I cried viciously. My mother and brother stayed quiet the whole time while my father continued to step on my hopes and vulnerability. Having no emotional support during traumatic events is one thing, but when it happens again and you’re stabbed in the heart in response just hurts so damn much… I want to give my inner child her innocence and hope back…

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