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selfdisciplinedPond2088
6,813 M Moving Along 4
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts274 Forum posts30 Forum upvotes23 Current upvotes23 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2022 Member sinceApril 3, 2020
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Struggling
Relationship Stress / by selfdisciplinedPond2088
Last post
 August 1st, 2022
...See more Living with an ex who told me I make him want to run for relationships. He can’t provide the consistency I need in terms of what a relationship requires. Not from cheating pov but from support, constant affection just everything that a partner needs. He loves me and I believe that but I’m really struggling to accept he doesn’t want a relationship with anyone for the future. He told me he wants to be a young adult live in his own apartment and not be tied down to the expectations a relationship requires. He hasn’t had a chance at independence that grown men have. And i’ll reiterate, its not from a ‘i wanna see other people pov’, he genuinely seeks independence. He’s never lived alone, been able to have space like that, since we moved in together so young. He’s my best friend and I know living alone will benefit us, and benefit me to gain more independence but what I struggle with is not having a mood swing when he says “i wanna watch something alone so can you go in your room” and to be clear, we’re broken up but still so close. i want to change, i really do but don’t know how to start. If i change there is a chance he might see a relationship w me differently again. We dated for 4 years :(. i think my mood swings and overthinking and anxious attachment style is what led him to not want to be with me anymore and it was too late. I didn’t love myself enough to be secure in my own happiness that i sought so much happiness from him. He keeps telling me he doesn’t want to determine my day or happiness. He doesn’t want to ruin my mood if he just asks for a couple hours alone. I feel terrible because all these arguments are my fault but I don’t know how to begin changing when i still am upset that he asks me to leave. We’re not together just in a complicated situation.
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Independence
Relationship Stress / by selfdisciplinedPond2088
Last post
 August 2nd, 2022
...See more Hey y’all, welcoming any tips for becoming more independent with an ex. Complicated situation but we’re having issues with him wanting space and not being given the opportunity to miss me because I always come to see him in his room (we live in the same house but different rooms) and he doesn’t have a chance to chase me or miss me. I said that if i were to be more independent things woth us might get better , and he agreed, but i’m doing this for me, not him. i struggle with self love and being more invested in myself. I enjoy spending a lot of time with him and when he tells me he wants to eat alone or wants me to leave his room I get frustrated. I do want him to ask nicer but the bigger issue is me not loving spending time alone as much. you know when people aren’t okay with themselves so seek happiness in spending time w other people. I feel like if i had more self love and put myself first I would be more okay if he wants more space sometimes. i just don’t know how to do it. Lmk if y’all have tips, I don’t want to be so needy!!
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Update
Relationship Stress / by selfdisciplinedPond2088
Last post
 July 31st, 2022
...See more ao update on the situationship with my ex. * we still love eachother so much * a big part of why he doesn’t want a relationship is because he feels like even if i would be satisfied with an average life together, he would always want to give me more or “give me the world” even when i tell him just being with him is enough. * he said that him just seeking extra independence from everyone around him is just how he feels in this period of his life, it might not be forever. * he said he could’ve married me except he has just come to the realization that relationships are just about expectations and making that person’s happiness ur mission. What I told him was that, we should just work on ourselves, be best friends and we will just see what happens in future. I said if it’s meant to be it will be (I think he’s still my person) and that I can’t change his opinions on relationships, I can just try to tell him that people should just be happy themselves and love themselves and find someone that adds to that. He said that it still feels as though we’re dating and that part of the reason he wants such independence and feels this way is because we were forced into loving together so young. (I previously said things like “i want u to make me happy, - if i was frustrated at myself.) hopefully things will be better for us as a couple when we get our own apartments :) i know its not the typical situation but our bond is still so strong and we do still love a lot so hopefully its a case of right person, wrong time. what do y’all think?
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Confused
Relationship Stress / by selfdisciplinedPond2088
Last post
 July 7th, 2022
...See more would yall say that we’re together if things are being said like “you’re so easy to love”, saying I love you, living together, hooking up and being caring and doing things together but him saying “i don’t want a relationship, i’m not your bf”. Like is it a lowkey relationship anyway? It seems that way. We were together for 5 years and ended 6mo ago but still live together. Also! We do not kiss anymore and he does not do all the bf type things like call eachother baby and stuff like that.
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Lost my family
Family & Caregivers / by selfdisciplinedPond2088
Last post
 July 2nd, 2022
...See more Had an on going bad relationship with my family for a couple years which led to me being distant and not making an effort with them, not texting or calling as much because even just talking to them gives me anxiety so i’d rather just avoid. Having a bad relationship with my parents also meant my younger siblings (below age 19) all had an opinion on my decisions and the fractured relationship i have with everyone. So what my parents think, they think basically. So i told my parent I would be moving in with my man and their parent and them and they took it personally like I was choosing them over my own family when it was just for saving money purposes. They offered me to come home and I said no because living there is what caused all my emotional trauma in the first place. So i said no. And so my parent told me if I move in with my man and his family then they’re done with a relationship, period. Like dont ever contact them again type stuff. They don’t want a relationship if I’m not making an effort and living there so my sibling also texted me that they were done if I choose to live at this house w them. I don’t know what to do because my decision isn’t changing but I don’t want to lose my family. Might I add that my family kicked me out a year ago anyway. The only reason I don’t make an effort with my family is because i want to put my peace first and just do minimal stuff but even then its still never enough for them.
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Lost :/
Relationship Stress / by selfdisciplinedPond2088
Last post
 June 29th, 2022
...See more As y’all may have read in my previous posts, I am in a complicated situation with my ex of 4/5years. he says “you’re so easy to love” but doesn’t want to give affection and wants to do what he wants all the time and wants to be alone a lot if we’ve gone places together for a couple days. I’m so sensitive and an overthinker so of course this upsets me to be told i’m always around and it can be annoying. yet of course I believe someone should have space and that the more space there is, the more you appreciate someone. recently, more than ever, ive been struggling with self love. Ever since I found out that he had texted another girl I don’t trust him anymore. I don’t want to do things alone or be independent because i think he’ll text her when i’m not there. I struggle with thinking i’m good enough. I still cook amazing meals for him and clean up our apartment. I love him so much but he denied cheating and I haven’t brought it up since. I went over our texts today and got really upset because I miss how it used to be and it only went downhill because we lost appreciation for eachother and he didnt want a relationship anymore. I didn’t work on myself at all and it ended 6 mo ago. 6 months later we’re here and still say I love you, still have laughs and hook up sometimes but its tricky cus i’m about to move in with his parents to save money. i just dont know how to deal with all this because mentally its really hard to love myself when i found out about cheating + putting myself first when I want someone still and they love me but not the same as they used to. i would be okay with this situation if he didnt text another girl and if he gave me cuddles and behaved like my boyfriend but didnt want a relationship because he needs to work on himself too. Like we can both out oursleves first but still be with eachother.
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Struggling with self love and always crying :(
Depression Support / by selfdisciplinedPond2088
Last post
 July 8th, 2022
...See more Hey y’all. I don’t know how to cope with what i’m going through so i’ll explain briefly. * Family traumas led to me being a very sensitive person. Scared of being lonely but push my family away. My family And I don’t have a good relationship. Period. * i struggle with self love as a result of this family trauma. I met my boyfriend and felt so loved but still was dealing with family trauma. * started to feel the affects of this trauma and didn’t appreciate him anymore and didnt love myself so I couldn’t love someone else. * BF and I broke up, we stopped appreciating eachother, he didnt want a relationship etc. * became very sad that the only person I really cared about and loved didnt wanna be with me anymore. * he came back but still doesnt want relationship or affection. I started to love myself more and work on myself but still have him around. * He started to talk to other girls while saying he loved me behind my back. …. I found out and made my self love issues even worse. I felt like I wasn’t good enough. I cry all the time and overthink and don’t trust anymore. I don’t love myself at all and don’t know how to be happy. I love plants but become in such a mental spiral that i just feel so sad all the time and don’t know how to fix this. :/ please help or offer suggestions. I feel like the spark I had is going away
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Situationship!
Relationship Stress / by selfdisciplinedPond2088
Last post
 June 26th, 2022
...See more We’re “broken up” but still say I love you, still live together and still have a lot of fun. But recently I found he had been texting a couple girls. We were together for 5 years. The last couple days have been okay but i’ve wanted to be around him more to keep an eye on what he’s doing. Today he pulled back wanting to go places alone because “the time we spend apart makes me want to see you and appreciate you more”. space would be okay, except I don’t trust him anymore. He denied the cheating btw so i overthink and panic when he wants to go places alone thinking he’s gonna text someone else :(
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