silvercoffee Member Profile

...See more I feel tired and drained of life with this person that I love so much. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3+ months, but as of now, as I'm writing this, I think that is as much as it is gonna go. That is, if we don't get back together, which for both our sakes, I hope we don't. To give context, I'm Chinese, 24, and he's Angolan, 32, so we knew it was never gonna be easy. What I didn't expect was our sheer incompatibility and I think culture and age plays a huge part in it as well. But mainly the incompatibility refers to our mental, thought and personality differences, such as opposite ways of seeing things, opinions, ways of approaching things, ways of seeing the world, and how things should be done. Basically, we don't have that much mental connection either. Nor much in common. Our lives are completely different, and our past and experiences, couldn't be more far apart. I knew we didn't have that kind of intellectual connection when I met him, and it was a huge deal for me. But he was persistent, so I gave him a chance, then started to see him differently, then we fell into a relationship. I've learned to love him since then. And that's not something I throw around easily. I do love him, and he loves me. We've had a lot of good moments since, but bad ones even more. What our relationship consists of, is a lot, and a mean a ton, of constant disagreements, communication issues, misunderstandings, and just general arguing and bickering that wears ones soul out. Honestly, I feel like what I do to communicate with a normal person, with him, I have to do tenfold, just so he understands a little bit of what I want to say. Even then he will manage to misconstrue it. On top of that, he has anger issues and a short temper. Which means that I've learned to walk on eggshells around him so I don't do anything and unknowingly anger him out of nowhere. Cause I never seem to know what will upset him next. And when he does get mad, I feel hella disrespected, and I do feel sorry for myself, cause I know I don't deserve a partner who treats me that way. He is a good person who has anger issues. It's never with the intention to hurt me. I know that. We all deal with issues. But I do get hurt in the process. I know I'm not the only one exhausted. And I know it's not mine or his fault. It's because we are simply incompatible. But because we love each other we are sacraficing so much and trying so hard to make things work, but they just don't seem to quite well. I know I would be happier with someone else. But I also know that when I am happy with him, I feel like he's my home. It is a special feeling of comfort that I don't want to look anywhere else. But after an attempt at communication today, we might have seriously broken things off. I basically communicated to him about our different minds and lack of intellectual chemistry, and he thought I was saying he was less intelligent than me, and because of that, he broke it off w me. Even tho it's because of a misunderstanding, I know it's for the best. But I also know I am weak enough to get back with him as soon as I get the chance, and run straight to a mistake. A mistake because we both tire each other out, and I know that can't be healthy. So I hope he can stick to the breakup this time, and be completely rational for once, cause I can't. And that's the only way we go our separate ways for good and find our own personal happiness. I know we would be miserable because love, will and effort isn't enough for a happy and healthy relationship. Compatibility is clearly important. But we tried...

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