sincereApricot9756 Member Profile

...See more hi, i just got here :) i’ve already talked to someone and vented out earlier today because i woke up having chest pains. i’m very thankful for that person. but, i can’t help to think now, am i easily distracted when i’m doing something else? or i’m actually fine, because i’m still in the process of healing? the wound is bare and fresh. things between the person i’ve been talking to a month badly ended in my side. i don’t want to be sucked up because it feels so bad and be consumed with all of my thoughts, even though it’s really hard. so, i’m writing this down thinking it might help me. i got used to that person’s presence, so this new day feels different again. there’s this quiet that’s unfamiliar, but at the same time, i feel it’s always been there because of all the things i think through when we we’re still in contact. or maybe it’s just me comforting myself. it’s hard to name feelings, emotions, because we really just need to feel them. it’s still hard. my anxiousness is so evident. i know it will take time, but it feels like im grieving at the moment. i was never healed. i was distracted through the years before. all i ever did was breakdown and resent myself. when i was still talking to him, i would plead the heavens to wish to be well. so, when something came up, i can handle myself better than before. now, after losing in contact with that person, i wanna treat myself kindly. because, i think it’s time for me to do that to myself as well. even if i still feel a lump on my throat everytime i voice out, i encourage myself to call for help when i can’t handle or i don’t have the ability to understand myself at the moment. right now, after writing this down, i feel emptiness. maybe i’m just tired because i woke up 5 hours later and all i could ever do was cry. so, i’ll rest for a while. if you’re reading this until here, thank you :))

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