sincereDog6973 Member Profile

...See more I wanted some relationship advice. I have been with my partner for 14 months, He is my rock, his dream for the past 4 years is to buy his own home, so he saved very hard for a deposit. I also had but its mostly gone on learning to drive (I have generalised anxiety disorder) so it meant spending thousands! So Im not in the same position he is financially at the moment. We spoke about what we wanted in life regarding house, kids and marriage from day one in our relationship. So we are connected on wanting the same things and we love each other. 6months into our relationship my dad was taken into hospital. They found a tumour on his lung, 3 weeks later he died in his sleep and my Nan found him. It broke my heart because it feels like I’ve lost apart of me, like I’ve lost a child in a strange way because I took him to all his appointments, he would phone me 24 times a day, medication. Being my nans and his shoulder, I took all the arrangements of funeral, clearing his house, dealing with all letters, cars, personal belongings, I sold things to raise money for the funeral, everything so that my nan didn’t get 1 breath of added stress, so she could just worry about herself and grieve. I feel like I’ve not really grieved myself. I am currently feeling depressed (not to harm myself) but I don’t want to leave the house! Anything that involves leaving the house my nervous system just shakes uncontrollably! So when my partner asks me to go out with his family or friends I panic, I can’t go, I feel too anxious! When my dad died I cried every night, day, and told him I’m sad and broken. (I still cry every night but not in front of him) If I look sad or cry he says oh what’s wrong or are you depressed? All the time or thinks I’m just rude and selfish if I say no to going out, (it probably comes across like I don’t like going to his to see his family but I’m just too sad and in my own head to be around them) I don’t want them to think my sadness is me not enjoying their company. I feel like I can’t talk to my boyfriend anymore, I feel like when he asks me what’s up. I feel like saying “my dad died and I’m depressed” and everyone has forgotten he died and I have to keep reminding him. Should he know I’m going to be sad for however long it takes? I just feel like I’ll cry and not stop if I talk about my dad to him, I feel like he says the wrong things and I also feel like my boyfriend is fed up with me being like this. I feel like he doesn’t understand. My Nan feels the same as me it’s the 2 of us left on his side of the family now and we are the only 2 that really understands how it feels to loose someone soo close to me. Back to the house talk. My partner family member was thinking about selling their house so we had a chat about maybe going for it in the next 1/2 years I said I wasn’t ready this year! And financially I couldn’t for at least 2 years, he kept a showing me pics of the house and talking to my family about it, then in after after our 1 year anniversary he said he’s going to apply for a mortgage with or without me. All the plans were all in motion, it’s all about this new house! And I’m still stuck on a loop grieving. Thinking about the house or anything makes my head explode and my nerves shakes! When I front of his parents it’s all about the house and what we need for the house and asking my partner if he’s ok for money to pay solicitor fees and I’m sitting there feeling like an idiot not being able to put any money in! I had 6 months off work this year I can’t possibly be in the position to afford this right now. My partner is a worrier, telling his parents he doesn’t know how to get it all paid as well has his current bills - like I’m just sitting there like they know I can’t afford it but I feel like I’m a ponce letting him put all his money into a mortgage that I said I’m not ready for! The last 6 months have been a blur to me, Also my partner compare our relationship to his friends like one of his friends cheats on there gf and so does she and my partner will make comments like “you won’t do that to me will you?” Or his other friends gf just walked out on him and I be the one asked “you wouldn’t do that to me would you?” His friend has a mortgage and once vetted each other on who gets a house first, so I feel like it’s more about the “status of our relationship and that we are getting a house, then marriage and kids, more than actually knowing each other. Like his got a gf now got to get a house quick and get on the same level as his friends. It’s him and his family member dealing with the mortgage, I’m not shut out really but it’s all about oh I’ll get my family to read the paperwork not me. He’s currently staying at mine every night, he does love me deeply I know that and would do anything for me. He moans about my family all the time. Fees like he talks about me and my family behind my back from some comments he’s made in front of his parents, I’m just feeling fed up! I don’t know if my dad dying suddenly is making me irritated and snappy which I am. But I don’t want to end a relationship not thinking straight and just really needed an outside the box advice!!

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