skyeclops Member Profile

...See more Lately I've been feeling really stressed, anxious and distant. I just finished college that I really loved going to and I am looking for a job. It's been only a few months and I know it's unrealistic to expect to get my life in line right away but I'm really scared for the future. Also I started a relationship with someone who I met at college and there are some things froom the past that we went through and that he said to me that are still affecting me. He was very insecure and and anxious (like I am now) before and was pulling away from me, holding grudges against the things that would bother him about me (real and imaginery) and I had to be very careful and understanding with him to make sure he knows I am not going to hurt him or leave. Now things have been great. He is understanding and patient with me and I really have nothing to complain about. However, I can't help feeling like it's all a lie and there is just the matter of time when he decides he doesn't want me anymore. A few days ago I got really drunk (we had a night out with some people from college) and I felt really unwell. I wasn't under the impression that I did something very wrong but apparently I said something to him that hurt and upset him. Then, when he tried to send me home in a cab i got upset because it felt like he was forcing me to leave and told him that I don't want that. That upset him bacause he was just trying to help which I realized in the morning when I sobered up. Yesterday we had a talk and he told me that I acted like a toddler and made myself look miserable and spoiled which I am not and have no reason to be because I have a great life, family, friends and him. All of those things are true. I've been feeling miserable not because I don't aprecciate the things I have, but because I feel completely useless. I feel like I can't give them anything in return at the moment and that because of that, it's going to go away. I feel he will decide I am too much for him and that he doesn't need this trouble (which is something he said in the past, before we were together). I know it's not fair of me, because things are different now and he is trying really hard to be understanding and patient and helpful, but I still feel really anxious and scared of it. I know every realtionship has it's ups and downs and if it's meant to last, it will overcome them, and I am sure that we will overcome this, but I just want to stop feeling this was as soon as possible. I want to stop being scared of the future and just enjoy the present. And I really wish to stop hurting people I love with my own problems. I know it's not my fault I feel this way, but it's not theirs either.

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